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A-Z Challenge 2018, Feminism

Jaane do nahin…Jaane do

April 10, 2018 by ashwini 11 Comments

How many times have you heard this phrase – ‘Jaane do’? Translated as ‘Let it go’, it is uttered by many of us who hate confrontations. 
  • ‘The shopkeeper cheated me.’ 

           -‘Jaane Do. It’s only 10 rupees’

  • ‘The teacher was unfair to me.’ 

         -‘Jaane do. Study harder next time.’

  • ‘It felt so uncomfortable to be continually stared at the bus stop by that creepy son of Mr. Agarwal.’ 

           -‘(Swear words followed by a Sigh) Jaane Do! You just be more careful and alert.  Never wait alone at the bus stop. Wait with your friends.’ 

  •  ‘I want to go on a Solo Trip mom. Jaane do na?’ 

             -‘No. Are you mad? It’s not safe. Spend you Holidays learning something useful.

Did you picture a girl talking to her mother in the last 2 conversations? 
Did the ‘Jaane Do’ in the answers seem unjustified in the last 2 cases? 
In case you answered ‘Yes’ for both the questions, you know what I ‘m talking about. 
We remove ourselves from the situation when things go wrong by saying ‘Jaane Do’. We convince ourselves that we are doing the right thing by saying No when she asks ‘Jaane Do’ (translated as ‘Let me go’). 
Crimes against women are on the rise. According to the 2016 statistics published by the National Crime Records Bureau, ‘Assault on Women with Intent to Outrage her Modesty’ comprises of 25% of cases. 19% of the reported cases fell under the ‘Kidnapping & Abduction of Women’ category and 11.5% of the cases were categorized as ‘Rape’. We all know that a large percentage of cases go unreported because of victim shaming. I have already spoken about this in my earlier post – ‘He Who Must Not be Named or Shamed’. 
Don’t you think that the crimes are rising because of our ‘Jaane Do’ attitude? 

She will go out. 
Kamla Bhasin, famous Feminist and activist, in this wonderful poem recital ‘Main bhi baahar jaaongi’ or #IWillGoOut, expresses so beautifully why a woman will go out of the house. 
Women can and must leave their homes to achieve their dreams. They have a right to their independence. And no one has the right to take it from them. 
I was mighty impressed by this short film by Anurag Kashyap – ‘That Day After Every Day’ where three seemingly normal lower middle-class women take matters into their own hands to ensure that their independence is not snatched away by some dhobi ke ladke in their locality. Even though subject to patriarchy, these women didn’t succumb to the ‘Jaane Do’ philosophy propagated by their family members and earned their right to safety. The story ends on a very inspirational note indicating that when we stand up for our rights, we earn respect. 
A woman’s safety is not her responsibility alone. 
I may sound impractical and ideological. But I believe this. I read an empowering article, where the author Anushree talks about how she stalked a stalker and foiled his plans. Even though she pushed this old man to prevent him from flashing and assaulting a young girl he was following on the streets, she still regretted not having intervened earlier! Anushree was also a woman. Yet she decided she must help a stranger…because it was the right thing to do. 
How many of us look away or walk faster when we see a woman being teased? Again the non-confrontational attitude rears its ugly head. What we don’t realize is that every time we ignore injustice, we are also reducing the chances of getting any help when, god forbid we or our family members need it! 
Ok here is a scenario. It is late in the night. A young and attractive girl is stranded in a lonely area because her car is broken down. A group of creepy looking guys in an SUV spot her and drive towards her. Are you thinking rape? Is it not possible to even imagine any other scenario? Watch this short film ‘Going Home’ by Vikas Bahl starring Alia Bhatt to know what happens. 
In order to prevent our houses from being robbed, we ensure that there are CCTV cameras everywhere and reach out to our neighbours so that they help us in our times of need. But when it comes to women’s safety rather little has been achieved. We still have may poorly lit lanes and corners where creepy predators wait for their innocent preys. We still have very poor police vigilance in most areas. Read this article that talks about how the Nirbhaya Fund allocated for preventing sexual assaults on women is unspent! 
There are some developments in the tech-space such as emergency features incorporated in phones or watches. But I am not sure about their effectiveness. I had tried testing Ola’s SOS feature once but it didn’t work. While doing research for this piece, I read about this Mobile App – ‘Safetipin’ which collects information about public spaces via a safety audit that can be carried out by anyone. The crowd sourced app records and displays information fed in by its users on nine parameters and gives a Safety Score to an area. Read more about the App and her motivations behind creating such a mobile application, in the words of the Founder Kalpana Viswanath, a prominent women’s rights activist. 

Now a crowd sourced app will need citizen participation. I wonder if it is our Jaane Do attitude that comes in the way of us even knowing about, forget installing and using such an app! 
I am an Incorrigible Feminist. I want the world to give the same rights to women as they do to men. I am not saying that men are not assaulted or raped. They are and that is just as wrong and must be prevented. But nobody tells a man to sit at home lest they get raped. But in case of a woman, unfortunately people think that is the best solution. 
There are some fundamental things that are wrong with our society. These factors are causing men to rape women or assault them or eve-tease them. And no it’s not because of ‘chowmein’. There are reasons why not enough is being done for women’s safety. I don’t know the reasons. But I do know that we need to spend more time focussing on these rather than locking our women behind the doors. Today the perpetrators of crimes against women don’t feel fear while the women live with constant fear of their modesty being snatched from them. This must change. 
Please don’t say ‘Jaane Do’ and definitely don’t stop her from ‘Jaane Do.’ Don’t let it be. Let her go. Let’s work together to make the world a safer place for women.
Reading time: 6 min
A-Z Challenge 2018, Feminism

I am an Incorrigible Feminist. When will you become one?

April 9, 2018 by ashwini 18 Comments
Why I am an Incorrigible Feminist
I have always been someone who did her own thing. And I never cared for what is supposed to be done. That’s pretty much the point of feminism – women should be able to lead their lives the way they want to and not be judged for it.
So if I lead a life that’s already fine, why do I advocate Feminism?
Because what I see and hear and read, makes me cringe. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am sensitive. My sensitivity makes me want to right every wrong that happens to me and around the world. It makes me want fairness everywhere and all the time. I support LGBTQ rights. I don’t believe in the caste system. I don’t judge a person for their beliefs and customs until they try and push it down other people’s throats.
Since I am a Feminist, my world will only make sense when everyone in it is a Feminist. Because that’s when we will treat everyone as equal.

If you think that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses…you are either a Tired Feminist or a Sexist. I truly believe that people either believe in equality or they don’t. Those who do and have given up because they don’t see things changing are the one’s I call Tired Feminists. As an Incorrigible Feminist, I hope to motivate the Tired Feminist. But pushing my beliefs on a Sexist is against my belief. It’s only when we have more conversations will things change for the better.

Here is an example of me raising my voice and how it resulted into an important conversation:

I recently viewed a video online on the Film Companion YouTube Channel where Anupama Chopra interviewed newbies Ishaan Khattar and Malavika Mohanan as a part of their promotions for the Majid Majidi movie – Beyond the clouds.

Now I felt that there was gender inequality at play when I viewed the video. So what did I do? I wrote a comment making a suggestion for a small step towards Gender Equality. You can view the video and read the comment here. I have also attached a screenshot of the comments I received. I was very polite. But I received comment after comment as to how impractical my request was. Then a male feminist (Nilanjan Dey) entered the conversation and wrote a rather large comment agreeing with me. Suddenly the tone of the conversation changed. As I write this, people are still replying to my comment.

I have learnt 2 important things from this experience of mine:

1) We need to have more of these conversations on public platforms.

2) Sexist men will prefer to have the feminism conversation with a male feminist. 

It is important to understand a sexist’s journey
As a Feminist, I take a stand against what I see as injustice. Just as I have had my own journey that has led me to here, a sexist has his/ her own journey. (Yes, women can also be sexists.) Have you ever said ‘Be a man!’ or ‘Career girls don’t make good wives?’ Then you are a sexist. Read here to know some more sexist things we say all the time.
But maybe you are a sexist because you don’t know any better. You may have been brought up to behave a certain way and to believe certain things. Maybe you are so comfortable with gender norms that you have lost your ability to empathize with women’s issues. Maybe you just don’t know how it feels to be in a woman’s shoes. 
When you watch this documentary by Quint- ‘Rape is Consensual: Inside Haryana’s Rape Culture’, you realize the extent of sexism prevalent in Haryana. I don’t know what it would take, I must confess, to change the minds of such a large section of people. But I hope and pray people come together and really try to make a positive change in this direction.

The importance of reaching the middle ground before the final goal

The path to gender equality is a long one and we have to reach the goal together. Women can’t reach the destination by themselves. In a world where men and women have to live together, the only way out is through compassion and conversation. 
To all those who have been told that ‘There is a reason why things are the way they are and don’t question it’, I have a request. I came across a short web-series of 4 episodes of around 15 minutes each – ‘Man’s world’ that could change your mind. Here is the link to the first episode. It would be great if you invested around one hour to view the videos. If you still think like the protagonist ‘Pavan’ in the beginning of Episode 1 (i.e. that women are privileged, they crib too much and that marital rape is ok) let’s discuss. In case you agree with what ‘Kiran’ says at the end of the 4th Episode, then you are a #FeministHero and I definitely want to interact with you.
I agree with Kiran. I believe that it isn’t a Man Vs. Women War. It isn’t about rules. It’s about ‘Give Respect and Get Respect’. It is about ‘Live and Let live’. I believe that things will only improve when men and women talk more and understand each other’s perspectives. Hopefully we see each other’s point of view and take a step closer to gender equality.
My husband supports me in every decision I take. Because he likes seeing me happy. And I am happy when I talk about my idealistic philosophies. So…he listens to me when I speak to him about Feminism. But there is a rule… only 1 conversation per day on Feminism. He says it becomes too “heavy” beyond that. I abide by that rule. Because it’s important that we talk. He also calls my bluff when I ask him to do something that I very well can do for myself. And points out when my ranting requires some toning down. 
I am an Incorrigible Feminist. I will speak my mind. But I will also listen to you. I will do my bit to make a small change in the world. Will you?
Reading time: 5 min
A-Z Challenge 2018, Feminism

He Who Must Not Be Named or Shamed

April 8, 2018 by ashwini 14 Comments

In the fantasy series of Harry Potter, Lord Voldemort was the main antagonist who chose evil means to become the supreme ruler. The Dark Lord’s terror was so widespread that people were too scared to take his name.

Harvey Weinstein was the Dark Lord of Hollywood. His power and influence trumped that of many A-list actresses. There were hushed whispers of ‘You-Know-Who’ all along in Hollywood but fearing the worst, they all protected ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’.  

Now young Harry Potter bravely took Voldemort’s name because Dumbledore had wisely advised him, “Call him Voldemort, Harry…Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”  

Just like Harry, a few brave women decided to end Harvey Weinstein’s reign of terror. They decided enough was enough and raised their voice against the sexual harassment they were subjected to by the movie mogul. 

In a span of a few months over 50 women came forward made allegations against Weinstein. And he was taken to task. His membership at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was revoked. His company TWC is facing bankruptcy and his wife left him.

Some more powerful names are facing sexual harassment allegations in Hollywood today. But did the world pay attention only because celebrities were complaining of abuse? I think so.  

Was the #MeToo campaign pointless? 

Following the Harvey Weinstein scandal, Actress Alyssa Milano wrote a call-out on Twitter asking followers to share their stories of sexual harassment and assault using the phrase “Me too.” But she was not the who created the campaign. The campaign was started 10 years ago by a Black woman! Tarana Burke is the original creator of the #MeToo campaign. It was to be a catchphrase of solidarity.

It took 10 years and social media for the #MeToo movement to reach the women across the world. So many women publicly claimed that they were abused.  Many abused women were too scared to join it. And yet the campaign did validate the severity of the issue. 
But what happened after they said #MeToo? Nothing really. For most women the campaign was a toothless revolution.
There is no robust system to name the abuser

All the sexual offenders who have threatened their victims of severe consequences in case they confess to anything, are abusing someone else today. That’s the scary truth. They are just as scared of the society’s reactions as much as they are of the abuser’s power. And where’s the support?!

Do our HR/ Sexual Harassment teams have the power to overthrow their CEO for Sexual Harassment? Unlikely given the loss of reputation that the company would have to deal with. It’s not that women don’t have faith in the legal system or the police. But can they be assured of a closure?

No. The system as it stand today needs to get tighter.

We need to shift the focus from the victim to the abuser

I think that the only way a sexual offender can be taken to task is for him to be publicly shamed. If only we had had a #HeToo campaign! Some efforts have made an effort to do so. 

In early January, Moira Donegan, a former New Republic editor,  came forward as the creator of a crowd sourced “Shitty Media Men” list. The Google spreadsheet was a collection of names of men in magazines and publishing who were  known to be sexual predators. The list was meant to be a private document with the aim of women warning other women. It was a safe means for women to finally name those who had violated them. In a matter of hours, the document reached far and wide and became public. Even though Donegan didn’t intend it, some names that appeared in the sheet were investigated by their employers resulting in their resignations or their removal!
Of course Donegan faced a lot of criticism for her approach and many questioned the validity of the names. But what other option was available! Donegan was not the only person to start these anonymous spreadsheets. There were others. The gender pay gap at Google was revealed via a spreadsheet! In the absence of faith in formal channels, women shall continue to choose anonymous means to express their distress against sexual harassment and other forms of gender discrimination.

It is not a Women Vs Men war

Sexual abuse must be looked down upon by everyone. Not just women.

In an earlier blog post, I wrote about how in a video. female comedian, Aditi Mittal spoke of a horrible incident of sexism at a discussion with fellow comedians Daniel Fernandes and Karunesh. She however refrained from taking his name. Karunesh did. Other men showed their support by posting positive comments to the video. 
In Aditi’s case, the perpetrator was an influential person in the comic community. And yet Karunesh did the right thing by calling him out. It not only frees Aditi from any pressure, it also sends a warning signal to other men. If you know of someone who abuses his power to violate a woman around you, it is your duty to raise your voice. 
It’s simple really. When you get hurt, you need someone to support you and take you to the doctor right? Well so many women are hurt! Who is up for supporting them? Men out there…speak out, please! You cannot keep quiet until something unspeakable happens to your mother, sister, daughter or friend! In the words of comedian and activist Nick Jack Pappas: “Men, Don’t say you have a mother, a sister, a daughter… Say you have a father, a brother, a son who can do better. We all can.”

Taking you back to Harry Potter to where Dumbledore displayed his sagacity:
“I say to you all, once again — in the light of Lord Voldemort’s return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Lord Voldemort’s gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust. It is my belief — and never have I so hoped that I am mistaken — that we are all facing dark and difficult times.”

Dumbledore I am sure was a feminist.  Because, his advice is also relevant in the fight against sexual harassment. The only way to stand up to sexual harassment is for men and women across the world to form a  united front. Time’s Up. We must all get together and create our own ‘Order of the Phoenix’ and defeat the Dark Lords in the real world. We need to take the first steps to a better future.
Reading time: 5 min
A-Z Challenge 2018, Featured, Feminism

Don’t let Gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse make you forget your true self

April 6, 2018 by ashwini 16 Comments
Ever felt low and less confident after meeting someone?
Ever felt worried that you are losing your memory and your sanity because someone you trust keeps telling you that you are?
Ever been told…
‘Calm down! You have gone totally mad! Give your imagination some rest woman!’
Or ‘Hey, come on! Don’t be so sensitive! Stop all this crazy talk! You know I care for you so much.’
 
Chances are you are being gaslighted. 
Ever received a backhanded compliment? ‘You don’t look like a Malayalee at all!’
Ever received a compliment followed by a critique? ‘That dress is amazing but you should lose a little more weight to look amazing in it.’
Were you ever compared to someone you didn’t know? ‘You remind me so much of my best friend’s girl-friend!’ Did it make you want to do everything you could to become better than this person you have never met?

These are cases of Negging.

Misogynists typically resort to negging to put ‘over-confident women’ in their place.

I didn’t know what gaslighting or negging was until recently. But when I did, I realized that owing to my own naivety I’ve been a victim of these extremely dangerous forms of emotional abuse many times over.
Let us now get to know more about these dangerous forms of emotional abuse and learn how to protect ourselves from them. 
What is Gaslighting?
‘Gaslighting’ means to ‘manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own memory, perceptions and sanity.’
The term ‘gaslighting’ owes its origin to a 1938 play ‘Gas Light’ where the husband dims the lights in the house while searching for some jewels. When the wife noticed it and brought it up, he called it a figment of her imagination. The husband then continued to manipulate her and successfully convinced her into thinking that she had indeed lost her sanity through a series of seemingly unexplained incidents.
What is the modus operandi of Gaslighting?

Those who resort to gaslighting will first charm you and win your trust. All is well till the time the target / victim falls in line with the gaslighter’s wishes. Then when they are caught lying or the target doubts his/ her intentions, thy resort to gaslighting.

Here begins the journey of breaking your confidence by discrediting your memories and feelings. And when you bring it up, they will make you seem silly and immature for doing so. They will dismiss you as well as the situation and convince you to nip it in the bud. In case you persist, they will either change the topic or pretend to have been hurt by your actions making themselves appear as the victim. Now the latter is a very cunning move…because you will end up feeling miserable and will apologize for the wrong being done to you. They will never apologize to you. This is a big tell-tale sign.

Gaslighters are usually very intelligent people and craft their arguments very well. They have a strong need to be right always and hence you will feel never win arguments with them. They will alternate between being nice and mean. All this is a part of their agenda and it will upset you, confuse you and make you feel less confident.

Read more about the tactics of gaslighting in this book. Here is another great article on gaslighting.

 
What is negging? 
According to Urban Dictionary this flirting technique is defined as “low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances.” As unbelievable as it may sound, the men who resort to negging wish to make the woman fall for him! Of course he is so insecure that he feels he has a chance only if she is made to feel less confident. One needs to be confident and secure about oneself to realize that a politely worded insult is an insult at the end of the day. Do go through these negging scenarios to protect yourself.
 
What is the aim of Gaslighting, Negging and other forms of emotional abuse/ manipulation? 
  • To undermine your confidence
  • To make you always feel confused, frustrated and overwhelmed
  • To brainwash you so that you forget your true identity
  • To make you vulnerable and ultimately accepting of the manipulator’s wishes
Why do you need to protect yourself against emotional abuse / manipulation? 
It is important to not let someone else control your emotions and ultimately your actions. A victim of emotional abuse often goes through different stages in the relationship: disbelief, aggression and finally depression. Feeling under-confident and confused all the time can make you feel that you are mentally unstable. It could happen that the victim turns to the manipulator himself for help and this leads to a very vicious circle.
Who are the potential targets?
Manipulators usually reach out to targets that come across as under-confident. The sad part is that the more I research on this I realize, that women are easy targets for manipulators. They tend to self-doubt easily – again owing to the years of conditioning and the pressure of being considered perfect. They also usually give the benefit of doubt to the manipulators, elongating the period of manipulation.
But even confident assertive women need to keep their defenses up. The manipulators will appeal to your kindness, compassion and empathy. They may come across as vulnerable initially just to win you over and then proceed to play with your head.
They also tend to target introverts who usually don’t have many friends or a great support system. This makes you defenseless and they know it!
Who are the people who usually turn into manipulators? 

People who are narcissists i.e. those who have “buried their true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self” usually end up manipulating others.

Here are some characteristics of manipulators: 

a) They are charmers
b) They love bragging and often lie 
c) They will never admit to their faults and get angry when someone points them out
d) They love doing things that are not considered ‘normal’ 
e) They get a huge high from being in control 
In a lot of cases, the manipulators are found to have been really insecure and emotionally abusing others is what gives them a sense of superiority.
How to put an end to an abusive relationship 
1) Back off 
Don’t think that you need to step away only when physical abuse is involved. Emotional abuse can also have damaging repercussions. No matter what the situation, trust your instinct. If you don’t feel good – it’s time to back off.
Also, there appears to be no positive outcome from confronting your abuser and telling him you know he emotionally abused you. He may get angry or try and charm you in order to continue his tactics.
2) Reach out to friends and family 
This is especially important since manipulators will try to keep you away from your support system.
3) Get professional help
Talking to a professional will help you to sort your insecurities and build your confidence.
Here are some final lessons that I have learnt the hard way: 
 
1) Those who truly love you will NEVER humiliate you or make you feel horrible about yourself. Sure people make mistakes. But if you realize that someone refuses to ever apologise for having hurt your feelings, please have the courage to end the septic relationship.
2) Never let the confidence in yourself waver because of what someone says. Always give yourself time to assess things objectively. But don’t ever second-guess yourself. Learn to become assertive. You are unique. Don’t try to change for anyone.
3) Never let anyone tell you how to feel or what to feel. If you are ‘too sensitive’ it is ok…embrace it. Spend time with yourself to find out more about yourself and figure out what works and doesn’t work for you.
People resort to manipulation every day- with their partners, at work or with friends. It could be serious or unfortunately even flippant. In rare cases, the manipulators are not exactly aware of what they are doing.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing any of the above forms of manipulation, please please reach out for help. I really wish I knew what gaslighting was much earlier in my life so that I could protect myself. But knowing how I can and have been manipulated, I feel empowered. I know I can prevent it from happening in the future. And I want all my fellow readers to also protect themselves.
Please do share this post with your loved ones. You could also read up more on the subject through books or via several online resources and speak about emotional abuse to your teenage children.
Important Note: Women also resort to Emotional Abuse. Any form of abuse is inexcusable, irrespective of the gender resorting to it. Men can also refer to this post to protect themselves.  
Reading time: 7 min
A-Z Challenge 2018, Feminism

Financially yours, Thanking you with lots of ignorance, Your dependent wife

April 5, 2018 by ashwini 13 Comments
I have always felt huge pride in being an independent woman living in Mumbai and building a life for herself. What I am not so proud about is that I never actively saved. I supported my parents in whichever little way I could…but mostly I spent all my hard-earned money on clothes, shoes and eating out! Well I saved the bare minimum for attaining Income Tax exemptions. When I got married, my saving habits improved quite a bit thankfully. Having been independent for so many years, meant that I would resort to only the money I earned to spend. I didn’t like the idea of asking my husband for money. I would have continued on my self-reliant ways if something hadn’t gone tragically wrong. 
I was forced to take a sudden break from work owing to severely poor health towards the end of last year. It took me a while to recover from my illness. Quitting work had affected my confidence and brought me to the dumps. I was questioning my abilities and my future. I knew I had to pull myself up and turned to my passion – writing. 
Now all writers know that freelance writing projects are hard to come by and my liquid savings were dwindling. I had invested all my savings in long term saving instruments for tax purposes and today I have ended up in a situation I never thought I would – dependent! Reluctant to break my Fixed Deposits or close my Mutual Funds meant that I did not have liquid cash to tide me over till I start earning again. 
So while I broke one stereotype by becoming a working woman, I did not break the other stereotype of women not being good with money. I am a graduate in Commerce and a Post Graduate in Economics and yet I did not plan, save or invest well enough for my financial security! Of course my husband was and is supportive and so are my parents in law. But my parents constantly remind me of the importance of being financially independent, lest I get carried away and get too comfortable with being taken care of. 
I hope to be up and running soon. But my situation has got me to ponder on the reasons why a lot of well-educated and qualified women become financially dependent on their husbands and remain clueless about the way money functions. Before that, we need to ask a very important question: 
Why is Financial Independence Important for an Indian Woman? 

1) To save money to tide over bad times 

2) To boost her morale and confidence 

3) To break the rigid norms that society has in place 

4) To support her parents 

5) To invest in a better future for herself and her family 

Reasons why Indian women become financially dependent 
In unfortunate circumstances, many women don’t enter the workforce at all. They either don’t equip themselves with sufficient qualifications or even if they do, they end up getting married just after studying. Owing to gender norms, they move from being financially dependent on their fathers to their husbands. These are the women that make India rank a dismal 120th among 130 countries in women’s participation in the workforce. 
But there are several life situations that could cause a well-qualified woman to become financially dependent –marriage, pregnancy and child birth, career shift, further studies, and health issues. 
Marriage and child-birth are traditionally considered very important milestones in a woman’s life- big enough for her to focus all energies on them, barring all else. It’s unfortunate that even today very few will question a non-working wife. The duration of career break in these cases could last anywhere between 3 months to never returning to the workforce. 
A smart and confident woman may continue to work post marriage. In fact she may be so ambitious, that she may decide to take a career break to study further. A rare occurrence, but such women still may need to worry about tiding over up to 2 years of career break. 
She may also wish to change her job or career or be forced to do so owing to health issues, necessitating a break from work that could last to a year or more. 
Very few women go through life without taking a career break at all and yet, very few women prepare for it. 
Why don’t a lot of Indian women manage their finances well? 
I am not generalizing. We all know of many inspirational women who have excelled in the financial sector. There are many women who carefully invest time and effort in managing their finances. But, here is what feminists like me would have to accept – a large percentage of women depend on men to take care of their finances especially when they are on a break. Of course it has to do again with cultural conditioning. Men are considered better at managing money. But that’s just because they do more of it and have got good because of all the practise they’ve got! As Feminists, women have no right to ask for equality, if we don’t take responsibility for our finances. Today, when the divorce rates are on the rise, it becomes even more important for women to know the complete ins-and-outs of their money. The courts of today are becoming more and more reluctant to instruct husbands to award ‘maintenance’ to their ex-wives who are qualified. 

So how can you increase your financial aptitude: 
1) Become more aware of your finances 
Create an Excel Sheet in order to 
a. Keep a track of all your earnings, investments and savings 
b. Keep a track of your expenditure 
c. Keep a very close track of your credit card and other debts 
2) Learn how to manage your money better 
There are several online and offline courses, websites, youtube videos, blogs etc. to help you learn how to make your hard-earned money work to make more money! No more excuses – get down to it. Understand your risk-appetite and accordingly choose the right investment vehicle. 
3) Have more conversations with your husband about money 
It’s important that both husband and wife are committed to a secure financial future. Women tend to not talk about money. But it is these conversations that help you learn more and get better at money management. 
4) Create a Contingency Fund 
This is a very crucial step to take for a stable financial future. The rule of thumb is to have a contingency fund of at least 6 times your regularly monthly income that is liquid but remains untouched except in case of emergencies. So you have at least 6 months of savings to get back on your feet in case of emergencies. 
5) Goal planning 
Other than monthly expenditure, you must take joint decisions with your husband on important aspects such as how much money do you want to keep aside for retirement, children’s education or even holidays. 
For more tips on managing your money, visit a friend’s blog that will help you kick off your financial journey. 
Fellow Women, let’s not be hesitant. Let’s not be ignorant. Let’s definitely not be dependent. We have got to conquer our finances first in order to go on and conquer the world!
Reading time: 6 min
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image Dreamer. Untamed Spirit. Freelance Writer & Blogger.

I try and keep my writing as honest as possible and write from the perspective of a 'Happy Feminist'. If you like reading heart-felt long posts on contemporary and relatable topics, you have reached the right place!

I also enjoy interviewing interesting personalities. If you are an author, a blogger, an entrepreneur, a sportsperson, or someone who believes your lifestory must be told, I am all ears! I would love to share it with the world. :)

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