Ashwini's Perceptions -
  • Home
  • Feminism & Other Social Issues
    • A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter)
    • Environment
  • Pop culture
  • Fiction
  • Poems
  • Interviews
    • #AuthorChatter
  • Hindi
  • Published Articles
Home
Feminism & Other Social Issues
    A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter)
    Environment
Pop culture
Fiction
Poems
Interviews
    #AuthorChatter
Hindi
Published Articles
Ashwini's Perceptions -
  • Home
  • Feminism & Other Social Issues
    • A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter)
    • Environment
  • Pop culture
  • Fiction
  • Poems
  • Interviews
    • #AuthorChatter
  • Hindi
  • Published Articles
A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism

Is Feminism killing Femininity?

April 11, 2018 by ashwini 23 Comments

Through this post I would like to answer the important question: Is Feminism killing Femininity?
What is Feminism really?
Feminism believes in Equality. It anti-injustice. 
Feminism questions gender norms. It condemns patriarchy and empowers women. 
Feminism does not propagate supremacy of women. Neither is it anti-men. Nor is it against our culture. 
Now let us see why some people think that this egalitarian principle is considered anti-feminine and whether this assumption holds any water. Here are some Myths about Feminism:
Feminists don’t like girly things
Here is the first paragraph from Wikipedia on Femininity
Femininity (also called girlishness, womanliness or womanhood) is a set of attributes, behaviours, and roles generally associated with girls and women. Femininity is partially socially constructed, being made up of both socially-defined and biologically-created factors. This makes it distinct from the definition of the biological female sex, as both males and females can exhibit feminine traits.
It sure seems so that Wikipedia supports Feminism. Because of this line – ‘This makes it distinct from the definition of the biological female sex, as both males and females can exhibit feminine traits.’
From the above line, it can be deduced that femininity is not restricted to just the female gender! Even males can be feminine. And if you are a Feminist, you will not think less of a man who is effeminate. I loved this answer from Manu Kanchan on Quora about how Feminism expands the idea of womanhood.
Now femininity is also socially constructed. So it could change from time to time. It doesn’t have to be a rigid definition. 
The #LikeAGirl campaign threw light on the fact that sexism sets in from a very young age. It asked the important question why “run like a girl” could not mean “win the race”.
By the above logic, why does femininity have to mean “delicate” or “submissive”?
Why can’t femininity mean “strong” or “independent”? 
Feminism doesn’t lay down rules and regulations on how people need to look or behave. As long as they are aware of their rights, 
Feminism does not have a problem with people embracing their femininity whichever way they define it. 

Feminists are not feminine and hence are not attractive
Traditionally women had to look a particular way (read: long hair, clear skin, pink cheeks, petite figure) to be considered feminine and hence attractive. But why does a world filled with millions of women, need to fit one mould? And why should they give in to someone else’s definition? Why can’t a strong or independent woman still be attractive to men? A secure and evolved man will be attracted to the qualities that make a woman stand out rather than those that make her fit in.
Just like the definition of femininity is open to interpretation, so is the subject of attraction. 
Femininity is a part of our culture while feminism is not
Femininity has traditionally been associated with stereotypical roles based on stereotypical behaviours. Based on the notion that women are more kind and caring, they have been expected to play roles of caregivers: homemakers, doctors, teachers etc. Feminism questions these norms. It encourages women to pursue a profession most suited to their individual strengths. Division of labour in earlier times was based on strength. Today when jobs are all about mental abilities and aptitude, the traditional roles don’t make sense. But it does not make it against our culture or tradition. 

People define their culture, not the other way around.
Feminism has killed romance
Some people argue that Feminism is unromantic. I would vehemently disagree. It is the Feminist that wears its rose-tinted glasses and imagines a world where a woman is truly at the centre of her own world. She doesn’t need permission from anyone to pursue her dreams. She doesn’t have to wait for her Prince Charming; she could pursue him. He doesn’t have to be the only one lighting the scented candles, she could surprise him as well. 

When a balance is achieved in giving and receiving, both men and women can experience romance.
Feminists traded femininity for power
Now, I have to admit that women have in the past, tried to look like a man by wearing trousers to work so that they would fit in. Today more and more women dress whichever way the wish. But when Feminism preaches equality, it does not mean men and women have to look alike. According to Feminism, anyone who has the capabilities to get to the corner office, he/she must sit in it. It should not matter what they look like or wear. 
One’s gender definitely should not be an impediment to their professional pursuits.
From the above I guess it is clear that – 

Feminism hasn’t killed Femininity. It has redefined it.
Reading time: 4 min
A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism

I am an Incorrigible Feminist. When will you become one?

April 9, 2018 by ashwini 18 Comments
Why I am an Incorrigible Feminist
I have always been someone who did her own thing. And I never cared for what is supposed to be done. That’s pretty much the point of feminism – women should be able to lead their lives the way they want to and not be judged for it.
So if I lead a life that’s already fine, why do I advocate Feminism?
Because what I see and hear and read, makes me cringe. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am sensitive. My sensitivity makes me want to right every wrong that happens to me and around the world. It makes me want fairness everywhere and all the time. I support LGBTQ rights. I don’t believe in the caste system. I don’t judge a person for their beliefs and customs until they try and push it down other people’s throats.
Since I am a Feminist, my world will only make sense when everyone in it is a Feminist. Because that’s when we will treat everyone as equal.

If you think that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses…you are either a Tired Feminist or a Sexist. I truly believe that people either believe in equality or they don’t. Those who do and have given up because they don’t see things changing are the one’s I call Tired Feminists. As an Incorrigible Feminist, I hope to motivate the Tired Feminist. But pushing my beliefs on a Sexist is against my belief. It’s only when we have more conversations will things change for the better.

Here is an example of me raising my voice and how it resulted into an important conversation:

I recently viewed a video online on the Film Companion YouTube Channel where Anupama Chopra interviewed newbies Ishaan Khattar and Malavika Mohanan as a part of their promotions for the Majid Majidi movie – Beyond the clouds.

Now I felt that there was gender inequality at play when I viewed the video. So what did I do? I wrote a comment making a suggestion for a small step towards Gender Equality. You can view the video and read the comment here. I have also attached a screenshot of the comments I received. I was very polite. But I received comment after comment as to how impractical my request was. Then a male feminist (Nilanjan Dey) entered the conversation and wrote a rather large comment agreeing with me. Suddenly the tone of the conversation changed. As I write this, people are still replying to my comment.

I have learnt 2 important things from this experience of mine:

1) We need to have more of these conversations on public platforms.

2) Sexist men will prefer to have the feminism conversation with a male feminist. 

It is important to understand a sexist’s journey
As a Feminist, I take a stand against what I see as injustice. Just as I have had my own journey that has led me to here, a sexist has his/ her own journey. (Yes, women can also be sexists.) Have you ever said ‘Be a man!’ or ‘Career girls don’t make good wives?’ Then you are a sexist. Read here to know some more sexist things we say all the time.
But maybe you are a sexist because you don’t know any better. You may have been brought up to behave a certain way and to believe certain things. Maybe you are so comfortable with gender norms that you have lost your ability to empathize with women’s issues. Maybe you just don’t know how it feels to be in a woman’s shoes. 
When you watch this documentary by Quint- ‘Rape is Consensual: Inside Haryana’s Rape Culture’, you realize the extent of sexism prevalent in Haryana. I don’t know what it would take, I must confess, to change the minds of such a large section of people. But I hope and pray people come together and really try to make a positive change in this direction.

The importance of reaching the middle ground before the final goal

The path to gender equality is a long one and we have to reach the goal together. Women can’t reach the destination by themselves. In a world where men and women have to live together, the only way out is through compassion and conversation. 
To all those who have been told that ‘There is a reason why things are the way they are and don’t question it’, I have a request. I came across a short web-series of 4 episodes of around 15 minutes each – ‘Man’s world’ that could change your mind. Here is the link to the first episode. It would be great if you invested around one hour to view the videos. If you still think like the protagonist ‘Pavan’ in the beginning of Episode 1 (i.e. that women are privileged, they crib too much and that marital rape is ok) let’s discuss. In case you agree with what ‘Kiran’ says at the end of the 4th Episode, then you are a #FeministHero and I definitely want to interact with you.
I agree with Kiran. I believe that it isn’t a Man Vs. Women War. It isn’t about rules. It’s about ‘Give Respect and Get Respect’. It is about ‘Live and Let live’. I believe that things will only improve when men and women talk more and understand each other’s perspectives. Hopefully we see each other’s point of view and take a step closer to gender equality.
My husband supports me in every decision I take. Because he likes seeing me happy. And I am happy when I talk about my idealistic philosophies. So…he listens to me when I speak to him about Feminism. But there is a rule… only 1 conversation per day on Feminism. He says it becomes too “heavy” beyond that. I abide by that rule. Because it’s important that we talk. He also calls my bluff when I ask him to do something that I very well can do for myself. And points out when my ranting requires some toning down. 
I am an Incorrigible Feminist. I will speak my mind. But I will also listen to you. I will do my bit to make a small change in the world. Will you?
Reading time: 5 min
Feminism

Open Letter to Men on Women’s Day

March 8, 2018 by ashwini No Comments
An edited version of this post has appeared as a featured post on the popular Women’s Forum – Women’s Web
Hi to all the men out there,
This letter is an invite to the International Women’s Day Celebrations.
On this day, we would like you, our brave comrades, to join the Feminism movement.
Please don’t shake your head, be scared, be angry and most importantly, please don’t stop reading. It’s just one letter – slightly long – but I promise one that you will find is not offensive to men and may even seem logical at the end.
We know the word ‘Feminism’ comes with a lot of negative baggage
Feminism is not about men-hating or about special privileges for women. The word as it has been coined may imply it…but that’s a misnomer. Feminism only talks about equality to all genders. In this very well-articulated TEDx talk, ‘Why we should all be Feminists’ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Feminist from Lagos, Nigeria speaks of how people think that ‘Feminists are unhappy women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands’. At the end of the talk she has her own great definition – ‘A feminist is a man or a woman, who says -Yes, there is a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it. We must do better.’
No! Women still don’t feel equal to men and hence the fight needs to continue
I know that you don’t think that there is a problem anymore and that women are equal. Women can work now and vote also! In fact you may even think that with women having separate coaches in a local train or seats in a bus or creation of an entire department in companies known as HR, (Kidding! See I am a Happy Feminist who makes jokes!) they have more rights and privileges than men! But they don’t! Listen to stand-up comedian Karunesh Talwar on why some privileges are important only for women’s safety.
We need you to acknowledge that several kinds of disparity still exist!
Surely you see that there are never the same number of women as men in most companies and industries. Much much fewer in fact!
Surely you are aware of the female infanticide numbers!
Surely it also angers you to see the newspapers filled with rape stories!
Surely you understand why we are asking for equal pay for equal work!
Surely you understand why it is wrong to ignore women in meetings and resort to mansplaining! (In case you are not familiar with the term mansplaining, it’s ok…neither did Ranbir Kapoor! )
Surely you know the fact that PMS is a real issue and that our emotions do not make us crazy!
Surely you acknowledge that women, given the right education and opportunities and support, can go where no one has ever gone!
Surely you trust the women in your life to take the right decisions and hence don’t need your permission for anything!
Could it be that you agreed to everything I said but don’t see the smaller issues?
Chimamanda speaks of 2 incidents in her TEDx talk about how men who accompanied her did not even realize how a waiter and a parking assistant ignored her completely and would only acknowledge her male friend. Has this happened to you when you took your wife out somewhere? Please ask her…it might have and maybe you did not realize it.
When stand-up comedian Aditi Mittal acknowledged sexism the “boy gang” culture in the Indian Comedy scene during a discussion with Anupama Chopra, it touched a raw nerve. I have seen it happen. Groups of men hanging out together at smoke breaks or booze parties with usually no women around. The bond they share is so strong that they always have each other’s back. She mentioned how the boy gang does not extend the same support and motivation to a new female stand-up comic as they would to a male stand-up comic. She had to take a step back and disassociate herself from the situation completely to survive. Isn’t that sad?
You know the funny part though…the remaining 5 men in the discussion (Yes! Even in the discussion to discuss gender disparity there was gender disparity!) thought it was unfortunate why we don’t have more women comedians but that’s how it goes! Of course they are funny and they should be more of them…but there’s no real reason why they aren’t!
It’s ok. It’s human to not notice issues unless they affect you directly.
But here’s why it’s getting scary. Even in relatively nascent areas such as comedy also, there aren’t enough women!
Could it be that you realise there are real issues but don’t know how to help?
There is one simple way to help. ASK & LISTEN. We want you to ask the women closest to you, if they face these issues. Just ask them when you see them sad or angry – “Hi, is something bothering you? Can I do something to help?” I promise you it will win you some brownie points with them– ALWAYS! Women are conditioned not speak out of turn, laugh loud, or take the less travelled path. They need their partners, men to support them on issues that they feel strongly about. Also, please remember women will not lie about the way they feel. And they don’t mean it as a personal attack. They just want help!
Similarly even in organizations, women should have the liberty to ask for rights they think they deserve. Sure with maternity leaves, and crèches and sexual harassment committees, a lot of large strides have been taken. But what about the discussions on equal pay?
Becoming a Feminist, having gender conversations and acknowledging your privileges will be difficult and uncomfortable but it is important
Speaking in favour of Crèches or Maternity Leave may be slightly easier since it does not directly affect men but the discussion of equal pay does. It is an uncomfortable discussion to have. But it should happen in every industry!
When you see a panel of discussion with lesser women on it than men, say so!
When you see a woman trying to say something and another man interrupts her, give her a chance to speak!
Speaking on behalf of women, supporting their cause or sharing your observations does not make you effeminate or gay.
Chimamanda in her TEDx talk says that the best Feminist she knows is her brother who is a kind, good looking and lovely man who is very masculine!
The Chicken and Egg Story
Women can’t do everything! There I said it! We also can’t change the world, without your help. We need you to help us to turn the tide. And there are stakes in this for you too.
If women have been following rigid gender norms, so do men.
Don’t you agree that if you had seen your father help your mother cook in kitchen and seen other male relatives also share the household responsibilities, you would do the same?
If someone taught men that they are not entitled to have sex at will with your wife, there would be lesser marital rapes and rapes in general, don’t you think?
In a TED talk, activist Kamla Bhasin highlights the issue of “emotional castration” of men and how patriarchy dehumanises men leading to violence against women. “Men need to understand that till women are free, they won’t be free either, that they need to take the leadership in the fight against patriarchy to save their own humanity,” Bhasin said.
#FeministHero: A Big Shout Out to Men for doing their bit
We have campaigns, organizations and individuals who raise their voice against the gender disparity and big big round of applause for them. I have listed only a very few examples here. There are sure to be many more. Please feel free to share your own #FeministHero stories.
We have #HeForShe , a solidarity campaign for the advancement of women initiated by United Nations Women. Its goal is to achieve equality by encouraging men and boys as agents of change and take action against negative inequalities faced by women and girls.
Closer home we have Forum to Engage Men(FEM), working on issues of gender equality and masculinity in more than 10 states, Men’s Action for Equity (MAE) in Jharkhand, MAVA (Men Against Violence and Abuse) and Samyak in Maharashtra and MASVAW (Men’s Action for Stopping Violence Against Women) in Uttar Pradesh, and women’s organisations like Jagori, for community-level gender training programmes for men.
Did you know that there have been many Pad Women – Maya Vishwakarma, Anju Bisht, Niveda R and Gowtham S and a group of women from Goa’s Mulgao village – who have worked on low cost sanitary pads and created awareness about Menstrual Hygiene. But it took Arunachalam Muruganantham and the movie based on his story starring Akshay Kumar to bring the topic to people’s drawing rooms. Sure Twinkle Khanna has had a pivotal role in writing the story and believing in it to produce the movie, but we know that having urban men talk about menstrual hygiene has helped the urban women’s cause. A lot of course still needs to be done for changing rigid rural customs and thought-process but a step in the right direction has been taken. It’s nice to have some support.
When Aayushi Jagad and Sumedh Natu,made a video on how most AIB Sketches does not follow the Bechdel Test and how they reduced the women to table lamps in their videos (Not that the Bechdel Test is a great test of Feminism in the first place), AIB acknowledged the issue. But AIB’s supporters abused and intimidated Aayushi and not Sumedh…in the middle of the road! Sumedh then in a very touching post on the incident said, “While I sit at home in comfort, she’s out there right now, beyond shocked at what just happened.” Kudos Sumedh for supporting your friend and colleague in her time of distress!
I wanted to find Karunesh Talwar and hug him when I came across this video. Aditi Mittal spoke of a horrible incident of sexism at a discussion with fellow comedians Daniel Fernandes and Karunesh. She however refrained from taking his name. Karunesh did. Even though obviously Daniel knew who Aditi was speaking about, he didn’t! What Karunesh did is extraordinary and we need more men like him! Oh and he also acknowledged the “boys club” and the privileges of men! Men out there…speak out, please! And here’s the thing… other men will also support you! So many men wrote glowing testimonials for Karunesh in the comments section of the video! A word in favour of Daniel though – he publicly accepted that he was wrong to say what he did in an extremely sexist video on “Feminazis” and that he had written it out of ignorance and he wouldn’t do that joke any more. Thanks for acknowledging it dude!
We don’t want ‘Convenient feminism”. We need you to really care
“I still think there’s power in calling oneself a feminist,” the journalist David Perry tweeted, but with a caveat: “but not as a ‘trust me I’m an ally’ to get entry/visibility elsewhere.” Instead, he proposed, call yourself a feminist “in male dominated spaces,” where it takes some courage, where it might make a difference.
The infamous Harvey Weinstein had funded a gender studies professorship, campaigned for Hilary Clinton, the first female presidential nominee and produced a documentary about sexual assault. If the Pandora’s box about his abuse of power to sexually harass women had not come to the furore, most would have believed that he was a Feminist! !!
SNG Comedy also has created sketches, and song parodies supporting Feminism. Several brands come up with interesting ads on Women’s Day. But we need these efforts to continue beyond one day in a year.
So we want men to not only talk the talk but also walk the walk. If you are convinced about the cause, it’s not difficult at all!
All of you who think that if you propagate feminism you may not get a “good wife”, please watch this hilarious video of stand-up comedian Nidhi Goyal who says that if a “good wife” means someone who cooks, irons, washes, sweeps the floor, takes care of the husband, makes him comfortable, then she also wants a wife and not a husband!!
If you are wondering why most of my article has references to comedians, well it’s because I am a Happy Feminist! Also because, comedy is the best way to get people to talk about difficult subjects.
I would like to end my letter with a small request to each and every kind, good looking, lovely and masculine #FeministHero out there. Please take this oath with me (repeating Chimamanda’s words)- “Yes, there is a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it. We must do better.” Please join us in our journey to a better world.
Lots of Love,
Happy Feminist
Reading time: 11 min
Page 2 of 2«12

About me

image Labels that make me, me: #FreelanceWriter #Instawriter #Blogger #Narcissisticabuse survivor #HighlySensitivePerson (#HSP) #Empath #Introvert #Feminist

I try and keep my writing as honest as possible and write from my experiences. If you like reading heart-felt long posts on contemporary and relatable topics, you have reached the right place!

I also enjoy interviewing interesting personalities. If you are an author, a blogger, an entrepreneur, a sportsperson, or someone who believes your lifestory must be told, I am all ears! I would love to share it with the world. :)

Socialize with me

Categories

  • #AuthorChatter
  • A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter)
  • Blogger Interactions
  • Cricket
  • Environment
  • Featured
  • Feminism
  • Fiction
  • Hindi
  • Humour
  • Interviews
  • Musings
  • Poems
  • Pop culture
  • Sports
Ashwini's Perceptions

Popular Posts

Rape Culture Is Real

Rape Culture Is Real

Don’t let Gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse make you forget your true self

Don’t let Gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse make you forget your true self

What Women Don’t Want

What Women Don’t Want

Conversations about Gender Representation in Films and the Bechdel Test

Conversations about Gender Representation in Films and the Bechdel Test

Recent Posts

  • Be Brave enough to be Vulnerable just like these Indian Celebrities
  • Interview with Romila (Novemberschild), Author of ‘Midnight Musings’ #ashasks
  • Interview with Surbhi Mahobia, Author of ‘Ten Tales’ #ashasks
  • Interview with Priyanka, Author of ‘How I wrote my Comic Book: The Journey’ #ashasks
  • Interview with Dr. Amrita Basu, Author of ‘7 Blogging challenges for a successful blog’ #ashasks

Recent Comments

  • Ashwini S. Menon on A Message in a Bottle: Flash Fiction for World Environment Day
  • Kanika G on A Message in a Bottle: Flash Fiction for World Environment Day
  • Ashwini S. Menon on A Message in a Bottle: Flash Fiction for World Environment Day
  • Surbhi Mahobia on A Message in a Bottle: Flash Fiction for World Environment Day
  • Ashwini S. Menon on Abort the Growing Sexism in You because Evolution Demands it

Archives: Jump to the blog post you are looking for

  • April 2023 (1)
  • August 2018 (6)
  • July 2018 (11)
  • June 2018 (1)
  • May 2018 (3)
  • April 2018 (26)
  • March 2018 (2)
  • February 2018 (1)
  • May 2015 (1)
  • April 2015 (1)
  • January 2015 (1)
  • March 2012 (1)
  • March 2010 (2)
  • October 2008 (2)
  • February 2007 (1)
  • November 2006 (1)
  • March 2006 (4)
Visit BlogAdda.com to discover Indian blogs
© 2018 Ashwini's Perceptions
Designed with ❤ by Aadhyam ICS
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.Okay