April 2018 – Page 5 – Ashwini's Perceptions

A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism

Financially yours, Thanking you with lots of ignorance, Your dependent wife

April 5, 2018 by ashwini 13 Comments

I have always felt huge pride in being an independent woman living in Mumbai and building a life for herself. What I am not so proud about is that I never actively saved. I supported my parents in whichever little way I could…but mostly I spent all my hard-earned money on clothes, shoes and eating out! Well I saved the bare minimum for attaining Income Tax exemptions. When I got married, my saving habits improved quite a bit thankfully. Having been independent for so many years, meant that I would resort to only the money I earned to spend. I didn’t like the idea of asking my husband for money. I would have continued on my self-reliant ways if something hadn’t gone tragically wrong.

I was forced to take a sudden break from work owing to severely poor health towards the end of last year. It took me a while to recover from my illness. Quitting work had affected my confidence and brought me to the dumps. I was questioning my abilities and my future. I knew I had to pull myself up and turned to my passion – writing.

Now all writers know that freelance writing projects are hard to come by and my liquid savings were dwindling. I had invested all my savings in long term saving instruments for tax purposes and today I have ended up in a situation I never thought I would – dependent! Reluctant to break my Fixed Deposits or close my Mutual Funds meant that I did not have liquid cash to tide me over till I start earning again.

So while I broke one stereotype by becoming a working woman, I did not break the other stereotype of women not being good with money. I am a graduate in Commerce and a Post Graduate in Economics and yet I did not plan, save or invest well enough for my financial security! Of course my husband was and is supportive and so are my parents in law. But my parents constantly remind me of the importance of being financially independent, lest I get carried away and get too comfortable with being taken care of.

I hope to be up and running soon. But my situation has got me to ponder on the reasons why a lot of well-educated and qualified women become financially dependent on their husbands and remain clueless about the way money functions. Before that, we need to ask a very important question:

Why is Financial Independence Important for an Indian Woman?

1) To save money to tide over bad times

2) To boost her morale and confidence

3) To break the rigid norms that society has in place

4) To support her parents

5) To invest in a better future for herself and her family

Reasons why Indian women become financially dependent

In unfortunate circumstances, many women don’t enter the workforce at all. They either don’t equip themselves with sufficient qualifications or even if they do, they end up getting married just after studying. Owing to gender norms, they move from being financially dependent on their fathers to their husbands. These are the women that make India rank a dismal 120th among 130 countries in women’s participation in the workforce.

But there are several life situations that could cause a well-qualified woman to become financially dependent –marriage, pregnancy and child birth, career shift, further studies, and health issues.

Marriage and child-birth are traditionally considered very important milestones in a woman’s life- big enough for her to focus all energies on them, barring all else. It’s unfortunate that even today very few will question a non-working wife. The duration of career break in these cases could last anywhere between 3 months to never returning to the workforce.

A smart and confident woman may continue to work post marriage. In fact she may be so ambitious, that she may decide to take a career break to study further. A rare occurrence, but such women still may need to worry about tiding over up to 2 years of career break.

She may also wish to change her job or career or be forced to do so owing to health issues, necessitating a break from work that could last to a year or more.

Very few women go through life without taking a career break at all and yet, very few women prepare for it.

Why don’t a lot of Indian women manage their finances well?

I am not generalizing. We all know of many inspirational women who have excelled in the financial sector. There are many women who carefully invest time and effort in managing their finances. But, here is what feminists like me would have to accept – a large percentage of women depend on men to take care of their finances especially when they are on a break. Of course it has to do again with cultural conditioning. Men are considered better at managing money. But that’s just because they do more of it and have got good because of all the practise they’ve got! As Feminists, women have no right to ask for equality, if we don’t take responsibility for our finances. Today, when the divorce rates are on the rise, it becomes even more important for women to know the complete ins-and-outs of their money. The courts of today are becoming more and more reluctant to instruct husbands to award ‘maintenance’ to their ex-wives who are qualified.

So how can you increase your financial aptitude:

1) Become more aware of your finances

Create an Excel Sheet in order to

a. Keep a track of all your earnings, investments and savings

b. Keep a track of your expenditure

c. Keep a very close track of your credit card and other debts

2) Learn how to manage your money better

There are several online and offline courses, websites, youtube videos, blogs etc. to help you learn how to make your hard-earned money work to make more money! No more excuses – get down to it. Understand your risk-appetite and accordingly choose the right investment vehicle.

3) Have more conversations with your husband about money

It’s important that both husband and wife are committed to a secure financial future. Women tend to not talk about money. But it is these conversations that help you learn more and get better at money management.

4) Create a Contingency Fund

This is a very crucial step to take for a stable financial future. The rule of thumb is to have a contingency fund of at least 6 times your regularly monthly income that is liquid but remains untouched except in case of emergencies. So you have at least 6 months of savings to get back on your feet in case of emergencies.

5) Goal planning

Other than monthly expenditure, you must take joint decisions with your husband on important aspects such as how much money do you want to keep aside for retirement, children’s education or even holidays.

For more tips on managing your money, visit a friend’s blog that will help you kick off your financial journey.

Fellow Women, let’s not be hesitant. Let’s not be ignorant. Let’s definitely not be dependent. We have got to conquer our finances first in order to go on and conquer the world!

Reading time: 6 min

A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Cricket, Feminism, Sports

Batting for Equal Pay and Equal Say in Women’s Cricket

April 4, 2018 by ashwini 10 Comments

Cricket and Hindi Films (some call it Bollywood) are the nation’s biggest loves. Both of them also very clearly reflect the sexism in our society. I have already spoken about the under-representation of women in our films in my previous post. In the case of cricket, or rather Women’s Cricket, I would like to divide my arguments to focus on 2 issues – the wide discrepancies in ‘Pay’ as in her in earning capabilities in comparison to men in the same industry and ‘Say’ as in the decision-making powers of women.

The Pay Issue

India woke up to the Indian Women’s Cricket Team’s abilities only last year, thanks to a brilliant performance in the ICC Women’s World Cup where they ended up as runners-up. Even though their matches have only recently started to be televised, some of the women cricketers have around a decade worth of experience. And yet when BCCI announced the retainer fees for the contracted women and men cricketers (ironically a day before International Women’s Day) everyone was shocked to see that the lowest paid male cricketer is set to earn double the highest paid female one. That’s a wide chasm. Now one could argue that there are various factors that you could attribute this chasm to:

The ‘star’ value of the women players and their power to fill stadiums
The stage of evolution of the women’s cricket as compared to the men’s
The endorsement value a woman cricketer can demand

These are practical factors and are acceptable.

The Say Issue

Mithali Raj in an interview in January this year said that women’s cricket should not be compared to men’s cricket. A case of frustration? In the article there are many statements that make you wonder how much say she and her team really have in the decision-making process! ‘It’s up to the Board’ seems to be something that she has accepted – when it came to training, TV telecast or the need for a women’s league similar to the IPL. She also lamented on the way people perceived women’s cricket.

Virat Kohli however has ‘Say’ and ‘Pay’ covered

It is no secret that Kolhi has the final say – or the ‘veto power’, not only when it comes to getting the best team members but also the coach that he wants a.k.a Ravi Shastri over Anil Kumble. He also had a very important role to play in the pay negotiations. He along with ex-skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni and coach Ravi Shastri ensured with the recent pay hike for the male cricketers that their earnings match those of their English and Australian counterparts.

It is clear that the Women’s Cricket does not have Equal Say or Pay

Sure, men’s cricket has an established and loyal fan base and that the women’s cricket will take a while to get there. Even the women cricketers must agree with it to some level. But I still believe that we need to get to Equal Say and Equal Pay eventually. After all, other than a slightly smaller size ball and slightly shorter boundaries, women cricket is not played any differently than men’s cricket on the field.

Can somebody from the Men’s team please stand up in support for the Women’s Cricket?

Rahul Dravid or ‘The Wall’ as he was popularly known as, made his country proud with his work ethic and determination. He continues to inspire even after his retirement. Dravid recently took a very important stand fuelling the arguments in favour of ‘Equal Work for Equal Pay’. When the U-19 team that he coached won the World Cup for a record 4th time, the BCCI announced prize money for the team, coach and support staff as follows:

Rahul Dravid immediately protested this. He said that that it embarrassed him to get so much focus and attention when the entire team of coaching support staff put in an equal amount of effort as he did. BCCI had to reverse its decision and award all the members of the coaching staff including the coach Rs. 25 lakhs. Dravid took a prize money cut (I am aware it is not a pay cut) of Rs. 25 lakhs.

We need someone prominent (ideally the men’s cricket captain…after all he is married to a feminist!) to acknowledge the pay gap in women’s cricket as compared to the men’s and suggest ways to diminish the gap over time… say 20 or 30 years.

Equal Pay has to be a goal for Women’s Cricket and if the right steps are taken, it can be done. I have given it some thought.

Here are some ways I think that Women’s Cricket will go from strength to strength:

1) The BCCI needs to invest in women’s cricket today to get returns tomorrow. They need to provide all the infrastructure and support that the men’s cricket gets. It can’t happen overnight but it must in time.

2) The cricket tours must be organized in similar fashion to the Tennis Tournaments, where the women’s and men’s cricketers tour together and compete with their respective opponents from the same country. It will reduce the logistics and sponsorship issues while giving women’s cricket a lot more support. It will also make it double the fun for a spectator. He/she could watch 2 T20 matches – one of the men’s and the other of the women’s team on the same day with lunch in between. What a perfect Sunday!

3) One-off matches consisting of mixed teams comprising of 6 men and 5 women cricketers should be considered. The men and women will learn a lot while playing with one another. If playing in the IPL has taught us anything, then it is that close associations with the best in the world improves your game by leaps and folds.

4) Televise as many matches of women’s cricket as possible and target women viewers. Most men who are true cricket lovers should naturally become loyal fans of women cricket. Unless they are misogynists, the women’s cricket team is just another Indian team to root for! The new women fans will also follow men’s cricket in time. The increase in demand for tickets would lead to increase in prices.

5) BCCI also needs to commit to reducing the pay gap over a period of time-10/20/30 years. They could also lay down criteria based on performance that could claim increase in pay.

Once the foundation is taken care of and women are assured of good pay in the sport if they perform, we will soon have envious bench strength of talented youngsters. With training and guidance, their potential will translate to good match performances and victories. The Women’s ODI team is already doing very well. These changes will help create a team that performs well consistently and across all the formats of the game including T20 where the team is currently struggling for good form.

I cannot end this post without…

Some pointers to the commentators and journalists who add to the gender inequality in Cricket:

1) Get the terminologies right:

No more calling men’s cricket ‘cricket’ and adding the gender prefix only in case of women. Call it men’s cricket from now on. Then calling it women’s cricket is justified. Also let all the players wielding the bat be known as ‘batters’. The gender neutral name will ensure that commentators’ lives become easier. No more stumbling over ‘batsman’ or ‘batswoman’. Oh and along the way, it would be great if someone could acknowledge the sexism in the terms ‘Third Man’ and ‘Maiden Over’ and come up with gender-neutral terms for these as well!

2) Invest time in understanding the nuances of women’s cricket:

This goes particularly to the commentators. Just as you spent time with the international team while also keeping a close eye on the younger crop, please do the same for women’s cricket as well. References to men’s cricket should be avoided as far as possible. Of course, for this to happen, again more women’s matches need to be televised.

3) Giving Women’s Cricket the respect that it deserves:

Journalists also need to stay away from asking the women cricketers to comment on how well Virat and his team are playing. I think such questions just demean the efforts of the women’s team.

Finally let us give a rest to the most important question: Indian men’s or women’s cricket team—which is better?. Through a scientific method such as ‘Elo Ratings’, it has been established that the Indian women’s cricket team with lesser pay and say as compared to the more established men’s cricket was still the better cricket team as on July 2017!

P.S. I love my cricket. I have watched and enjoyed the sport since I have been a kid. I enjoy all formats of the game including even box cricket. The views in this post are based solely on what I watch on TV and what I read about it. I have never played the game and I did not reach out to any women cricketer prior to writing this.

Reading time: 7 min

A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Featured, Feminism, Poems

What Women Don’t Want

April 3, 2018 by ashwini 16 Comments

Patriarchy, Misogyny, Bigotry

No it is the ignorance silly that makes us angry.

‘Oh no don’t say angry, we don’t want to be known as crazy’

Ha! No more gaslighting or other means to make us doubt our own sanity!

‘Women don’t know what they want. They’re so flaky.’

Just one of those things that make us go -Why so judgy?

So here’s a list of things that we don’t want. Listen carefully.

Blame it on cultural conditioning if none of it makes sense to thee.

We don’t want rules and boundaries

We don’t always want the pressure of being a good girl or a lady

We don’t want to be superwomanly

Sometimes we just want to be lazy.

We don’t want to be pigeon-holed as pretty, hot or sexy

We don’t want to be judged for anything but our abilities

We don’t want to miss any opportunity

Just because we got married and had a baby

We don’t want to be ignored or put down needlessly

We don’t want to deal with any biases while ascending corporate hierarchy

We don’t want to work just because we need pocket money

We don’t want to quit work just to fulfill familial duties

We don’t want to do anything just to please the society

We don’t want to be told what should be our priorities

We don’t want to be groped or touched inappropriately

We don’t want our safety to be only our responsibility

We don’t want to be pressured into suffering abuse silently

We don’t want to be doubted when we report it regretfully

We don’t want big gestures, just some empathy

We don’t want reservation, just inclusivity

In this world that is talking about big things like gender fluidity

We don’t want anything more than being able to express our identity

We don’t want to piss off anyone majorly

But we also don’t want to lose our mental stability

We may raise our voice but don’t want complete anarchy

We just don’t want unfairness and hence are pursuing equality

Reading time: 1 min

A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Featured, Feminism

Conversations about Gender Representation in Films and the Bechdel Test

April 3, 2018 by ashwini 23 Comments

I need to start this post with an apology to the third gender. This post shall focus on how women are under-represented in Hindi Films in India. The category of people that associate neither with the male or the female genders are also largely ignored by mainstream cinema even though they represent a decent section of the population. Unfortunately when stories have tracks for the third gender or the LGBTQ community in their stories, they are usually incorporated for comic relief. Please go through the earlier hyperlinks to read about studies that analyse the under-representation of the third gender in our films.

Now there are every few households that don’t have any women in them. Our villages, towns and cities are filled with women. And yet our films don’t seem to reflect this too well.

Cinema in India enjoys a lot of love and has a very wide audience. This gives a lot of power to the filmmakers. But do they put their power to good use? Not really.

Last year, IBM and two New Delhi-based institutions released a public study of over 4,000 Hindi films to understand the extent of gender bias in the industry.

Here is a summary of the study findings (all graphs and images are snapshots from the report that you can read here):

1) Cast mentions in the Movie Plot: Right from 1970 to 2017, the data indicates that the male character has double the number of mentions as compared to a female character.

Female mentions are present in Pink and Male mentions in Blue

2) Cast Appearance in a Movie Plot: The adjectives most associated with males are: rich and wealthy while the verbs associated with them are kills and shoots. On the other hand, women characters are often described as beautiful and attractive while the verbs associated with them are marries and loves.

Adjectives for characters

3) Cast Introductions in a Movie Plot: Male characters are usually introduced by referencing their professions e.g. famous singer, an honest police officer, a successful scientist etc. while a woman character is invariably introduced in relation to a male character

4) Occupation as a Stereotype: Women characters tend to have lower level occupations e.g. teacher or student while the male character tends to have higher level occupations such as lawyer or doctor.

Occupations for men

Occupations for Women

5) Cast Dialogues and Gender Gap in Movie Scripts: On studying the ratio of male to female dialogues in 13 scripts, it was found that Raman Raghav was the least biased while Kaminey and Aligarh showed the most bias.

Female dialogues are presented on X-axis and Male dialogues on Y-axis

6) Movie Poster and Plot mentions: Publicizing a movie is biased towards a female on advertising material like posters, and they end up having an even smaller or inconsequential role in the movie. 50% of movie posters had female representation but 80% of the movies had more male mentions than female. Notably, 3 movies – GangaaJal 2 , Platform 3 , Raees 4 had almost 100+ male mentions in the plot but no female mentions whereas in all 3 posters females were prominently present on posters.

Source- Pixabay

7) Movie Trailers: The screen time for women characters in movie trailers has consistently been half that of men for over a decade!

8) Female Centricity: The good news is that the female centric movies and female mentions in our movies are on a rise.

9) Singers and gender distribution in soundtracks: Since the female actors have a lesser role to play, so do their voices. Right from 2010 to 2017, the female singers have sung consistently less songs as compared to their male counterparts. The duration of the song sung by the female singer has not been considered here but it is more likely to be lopsided. This fact was also corroborated in a recent interview with the top female singers in the country.

Sexism not covered by the study above

Other than the garden variety of sexism that persists worldwide,women are further objectified through ‘Item Numbers’ in our Hindi Films. The term itself is offensive. Kangana Ranaut depicts the widely prevalent sexism in a viral video in collaboration with AIB, a popular Indian comedy sketch group. You can read the on-point lyrics of this parody item number– ‘The Bollywood Diva Song’ here.

And of course we know this – the top male ‘superstars’ of our country are all 50 years old and prefer to pair with actresses half their age! Most of our 300 crore films fail the ‘Jane Test’ for this reason (read about the Test later in the post)! Fortunately the trend of female actors who vanish from the screen on getting married is changing today.

The report concludes by suggesting that the primary steps one can take to narrow the gap of gender bias in Hindi Films is by:

a) Removing Occupation Hierarchy –Moving away from stereotypical occupations

b) Removing Gender Bias from plots – Ask important questions like, ‘If one interchanges

all males and females, is the plot/story still possible or plausible?’

This brings us to the second part of my post…

THE RELEVANCE OF THE BECHDEL TEST

First let us understand…

What is the Bechdel test?

The Bechdel Test is a measure of gender inequality, particularly in films but it is also being used as a tool for Feminism in plays and short stories as well.

It was created by American cartoonist, Alison Bechdel in her 1985 comic, “Dykes to Watch Out For”. It is also known as the Bechdel-Wallace test.

To pass the test, the story has to have at least two unnamed or named female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man.

Women’s Web, a forum for women requires contributors to submit short stories that pass the Bechdel Test for its Monthly Muse contest. The measure is used widely across the globe.

But is the Bechdel Test the ideal measure of gender bias in stories? I don’t think so.

Many people across the world including the creator of the test, Alison Bechdel acknowledge that the test isn’t perfect and may not always work. It definitely highlights the problem but its simplicity can be its undoing. Let us break the test down to highlight its failings:

a) Two women must speak to one another

In a recently released short film produced by Anurag Kashyap and Shlok Sharma, the viewer takes the same emotional journey as the characters in the film take after a very traumatic event. There were no dialogues and yet the film makes you empathize with a woman’s anguish.

b) The two women must talk to each other about something other than a man.

There are various scenarios where two women could talk about a man and yet have a feminist flavour. One important scenario could be conversations about abuse. A woman pushing her friend/ colleague/ daughter to stand up for her rights cannot take place without mentioning the man! Such empowering conversations will fail the Bechdel test!

The film Gravity does not pass the Bechdel Test even though it revolves around a woman astronaut who survives in space owing to her intelligence and grit. Read here on how even though most of the highest grossing films in Hollywood passed the Bechdel Test, the issue of gender bias remains largely unsolved.

If not the Bechdel Test, then what?

The Bechdel Test may still be the most popular measure but there are other tests that could be used to supplement it to get a clearer picture of gender biasedness in films.

1) The JaneTest:

Script-reader Ross Putman highlighted the sexism that prevails in Hollywood by sharing the character descriptions for the female lead from actual scripts in a feed on Twitter using the handle @femscriptintros. It was found that most of the descriptions only focussed on how the character looked. He replaced all the names with ‘Jane’ which is why it is called the Jane Test. According to Ross 3 questions must be asked by writers before crafting the female lead:

a. Does the introduction focus on the external attributes of the character?

b. Is he a twenty- or thirty something?

c. Is she dating someone decades older than her?

If your answer is ‘Yes’ to all the questions above, then the script fails the Jane Test.

2) Samantha Ellis, a feminist playwright in Hollywood, devised the ‘Sphinx Test’ that also involved asking a series of questions for playwrights to consider while creating a female character:

a Is there a woman centre stage?

b. Is she active rather than reactive?

c. Is she compelling and complex?

3) Read here to know 12 tests that checks gender bias across 4 main aspects of movie-making:

a. Behind the Camera

b. Intersectional

c. Protagonists

d. Supporting Cast

These tests emerged when FiveThirtyEight (a website that focuses on opinion poll analysis, politics, economics, and sports blogging) asked 13 people in the entertainment industry to come up with personal standards for representation in cinema.

Gender Inequality behind the scenes

The study on Hindi Films doesn’t touch upon the lack of women film makers (directors, producers, editors, camerawomen etc.) in the industry. According to this article in 2016, there were only around 60 women working behind the scenes in big ticket movies. Here is a quote from a cinematographer who happens to be a woman explaining the reason–

”The opportunities are fewer because you are judged already right at the beginning on the basis of gender. I don’t understand what a ‘physical film’ means. I don’t understand why a man can shoot this and I can’t.”

This was in response to a comment by a reviewer who was surprised that the cinematographer was a woman. Also do read Shit People Say To Women Directors and other Women in Film.

No money for Feminism

When a movie like ‘Masaan’ is made, portraying a strong and independent girl from the small-town of Benares, I am sure it inspires women everywhere. Of course we know the love that ‘Queen’ or even the ‘Tanu weds Manu’ films have received from the audience. But I don’t think the makers set out to make ‘feminist’ films. They wrote stories that they themselves believed in. Richa Chaddha praises the makers of Masaan in a recent interview: ‘Neeraj Ghaywan and Varun Grover are possibly the most progressive (and) intelligent men I know who are so non-judgemental, understanding and humane…’ Neeraj Ghaywan followed Masaan with an amazing short film ‘Juice’ starring Shefali Shah that focussed on the sexism and patriarchy that still pervades our Indian homes. There are several other short films that aim to highlight the sexism that exists in India.

You may argue that the above films and short films are all made on relatively low budgets. Without the financial risks that a big-budget movie faces, these inspirational stories can afford to lend themselves to feminist ideals. True. But there is a glimmer of hope. I think that the reason why you saw the improving trends in female centric movies recently in the study earlier is because data suggests that half of the movie-goers are women today! This was not the case in the 80’s or 90’s where the movies catered primarily to men. As the women audience members watch more women centric films they will drive the demand upwards for such films. The consistent success of these films will make film-makers less wary of creating such films.

At the end of the day, no matter how many tests, questions and studies we subject our movies to, the fact is that writers want to share stories about the world around them. And unfortunately as long as sexism prevails in India, you can’t blame cinema or stories for mirroring the reality. Let’s try and make our women feel more as equals. Then our stories will also reflect it.

Reading time: 11 min

A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism

Blue Blooded Women who Whisper

April 1, 2018 by ashwini 19 Comments

This post explores the taboos around menstruation that the feminist in me abhors.

I was clueless

I still remember the first time I saw a Sanitary Napkin ad on TV. I was in my fifth standard. It was before my I knew what periods were. Seeing blue ink fall from a beaker on a white piece of sponge, I wondered when I would get one – to soak up all the ink from my leaky fountain pen! I thought a sanitary napkin would be a nice stationery item! Another time, I visited my friend’s home. While we watched TV, I noticed her brothers giggle and nudge one another when one of the sanitary napkin ads came on. What was so funny about an ad on something so useful I thought? Of course I never bothered asking anyone for clarifications.

I knew I had to hide it from men

When I was finally schooled by my mom on the monthly activity I remember she asked my father to leave the room while she spoke to me. She did explain to me the technicalities quite well and led me through the journey. But I associated periods with something private and secretive. It was a woman’s thing and not to be shared with men.

A red stain was a blot on our existence! If any of my friends had an unfortunate incident and left a stain on her white sports skirt, everyone rushed to hide it. The boys must not get to know anything! well-meaning friend would nudge you and raise the ‘red flag’ and at once a handy sweater would be tied around your hips!

Later when I got older and started buying my sanitary napkins myself, I noticed that the guy behind the counter packed it in newspaper and placed it in a black plastic bag before handing it to me. Again I never questioned any of this.

Wish I had been a sport about it

I was an athlete in school and was very active. So I had to be extra careful. An incident on the field would mean the ‘run of shame’ to the washrooms in front of everyone. I dreaded that more than coming second in a race… and I rarely came second! In hindsight I wish someone had told me and my friends that menstruation was natural. I wish I had the courage to go up to my male sports teacher and say, “Sir, I am on my period. I think I have had a small incident because my flow is quite heavy today and I have stained my skirt. I need to go to the washroom. I shall be back soon. Please excuse me.” If only I could have unashamedly run without a sweater around me and go unescorted to the washroom (I think most women make best friends only so they always have someone to run with them during their run of shame!), calmly clean the stain/ wear my spare uniform, drink some water and come back.

Thank god some sense prevailed

I’ve heard of stories of friends taking hormone pills to postpone or pre-pone their periods so that they can go for a trek without the inconvenience, only to have messed up their cycles for life! Oh and these pills are available over the counter! That is how careless and misinformed we are about our bodies! I’m glad I never resorted to such quick-fix solutions.

I shall be forever thankful to my mom for never treating me as an untouchable with several restrictions. I never had a separate set of utensils. I never had to stay in my room. I could go to the kitchen as many times I liked (to raid the refrigerator…never cooked) and I could eat anything I liked…even pickle! Granted, that not allowing the woman of the house in the kitchen while she is on her period, could have been because the rest of the family wanted her to rest in olden times. If someone feels tired and doesn’t wish to work it’s okay. But when I see my friend eating from a special plate in her room while her family eats together in the dining room, it saddens me. They’ve seen it happen to all the women in the family and that’s why you won’t even get a whisper from them on the issue!

No more Whispers

When I came across this Whisper ad in the theatre one day – ‘Break the silence on periods’, I remember thinking that this should feel awesome…somebody was voicing my exact feelings as a teenager. But it didn’t evoke a positive emotion from me. Something felt amiss. It took me a while to realise that it was the word ‘Whisper’. ‘A whisper set me free’ says one of the lines. And that was what ticked me off sub-consciously.

That’s when I realized that one of the biggest sanitary napkin brands in India, one that I have always used, propagates the taboo surrounding periods. A brand that has made several ads to showcase it as a friend of the empowered woman, (the ‘Touch the Pickle’ one being lauded widely), loses the battle because of its very name! Granted they came up with the name a while back, when period talk consisted of whispers. But today, I am not the same Ashwini as I was. Today, I do not want to keep quiet or whisper about menstruation. I definitely don’t want the younger generation of women to begin to whisper about the issue. I don’t want them to treat the most natural thing in the whole world as if it were unmentionable. I want all of us to proudly carry the pack of sanitary napkins in our hand without any packing! I don’t want any of us to point at the product at the chemist. I want us to be able to call out the name of the product loudly. But if the name of the product itself is ‘Whisper’, it defeats the purpose! And I am glad I am not alone in thinking this way. A petition on Change.org has been started by Shreya Gupta of Bengaluru asking the brand to change its name. They have also posted a video on their thoughts.

No more blue blood

We are not aliens to have blue blood running through us! We don’t need it! With normal red coloured blood, we are still able to create life. And when we don’t conceive, the blood is shed. It’s time that the marketing teams of the sanitary napkin products stop just pretending to be feminists and really embrace the issue. If not rebrand themselves, Whisper should at least show red liquid depicting blood on a sanitary napkin like a brand ‘Bodyform’ did in the UK did recently. It will definitely get Whisper a lot of publicity but also give them an opportunity to right some wrongs. And to all those men who will feel uncomfortable while watching a red liquid fall on the sanitary napkin, I have this to say – women feel just as uncomfortable when we see you touch and feel your crotch area in public. At least the ad shall be about something that is natural!

Why it is important to ROAR: WE BLEED RED

It’s time that the world knew that we are not blue-blooded women who whisper about menstruation!

Ok…so we have had a movie on menstruation. We have had celebrities holding a sanitary napkin in their heads and posting it on social media. But when is the government going to subsidize sanitary napkins? When are we women going to come across and talk about emotions that come with the flow…pun intended?

I came across this article on how music artists in the West have expressed their emotions while they undergo their period in a very vivid and direct manner through songs. In India the closest we got is with this song parody by Girlyappa. I did read about a song titled ‘Come and Let’s Raise the Voice on Menstruation Taboo’ penned by social activist and lyricist Gowri Vandana but I am yet to hear it. Will we ever have a mainstream singer… say a Neha Bhasin come up with a realistic song that all women can listen to and hum that time of the month?

Why it is important to change men’s perceptions on periods

Most women have at one time or the other wished they were a man and didn’t have to go through the monthly hassles! Do read this brilliant article on how different the scenario would be if men were to menstruate.

The unfortunate truth is that most men have a lot of misconceptions about periods. Don’t believe me? Watch this funny video. And it is our fault. We need to speak to our husbands, brothers and sons and sensitize them.

Pravin Nikam is another ‘Padman’. This 24 year old social activist imparts training to women on menstrual hygiene through his NGO, Roshni. In his TEDx Talk on ‘Men need to talk about menstruation’, he speaks of the need to educate the society about periods.

Menstrupedia is a comic strip that was the brain child of Aditi Gupta. Also available in Hindi now, it was a pioneer in spreading awareness about menstruation.

Sometimes I wonder if an Indian woman will have to resort to something more creative and in-your-face for people to pay close attention!

You have to talk. Period.

A few years back, I was going through a particularly difficult phase during my periods. The pain would get so bad that I would invariably take at least 1-2 days off from work in a month. I brought this up one day at a dinner table discussion and suggested that if Maternity Leave is ok…why not Period Leave? My dad disagreed vehemently. He said that women will never be considered equal if we ask for privileges. I think a lot of women will agree with my dad. But what about the women with conditions such as dysmenorrhea and endometriosis, for whom period pain could be as bad as a heart attack? For them, Period Leave would be a big boon. It may surprise you to know that menstrual leaves have a provision in Bihar government since 1992! I don’t think anyone will grumble if the HR provided additional 5-10 days sick leave to women in a year. We need to continue to have discussions and debates and arrive at a solution for the issue.

Own your Period

Women must openly discuss PMS and other issues they face every month. It’s ok to not be ok on your periods. Everyone is different.

Also don’t smuggle your sanitary napkin to the bathroom. What would happen if they saw that green plastic pouch in your hand? Nothing!

Don’t shy away from telling people you are on your period. Don’t call it chums, aunt flo, that-time-of-the-month etc. I think women and mothers particularly need to treat it as normal as possible so that the next generation is more empowered. Boys and men should also be taught not to treat menstruation as a taboo.

My last words on this…

Periods are not embarrassing. They are empowering.

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