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A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Featured, Feminism

Rape Culture Is Real

April 20, 2018 by ashwini 20 Comments
Source: thedailybanter.com

We feel bad. We shake our head. Yet another rape. Another gangrape. ‘Kya hoga is country ka?’ And we go back to sipping our tea. Little do we know that we are adding fuel to the fire. Yes, my friends, we are propagating the rape culture.

The title image indicates just what Rape Culture is about. If Rape Culture dismisses rape…it dismisses itself as well!

Rape is “the violation of another person’s autonomy, the use of another person’s body against their wishes.”
Rape culture is…

Source:The Quint
This mentality is deep-rooted and is the reason why we have been hearing of so many rape cases in the news of late. Rape culture does not imply promoting rape. It’s an undercurrent in our cultural practices that makes excuses for sexual violence.
Here is a video that speaks of the Rape Culture prevalent in Haryana. (I have mentioned this in a previous post but would like to highlight it here.)
Here are some excerpts from the video that will make you seethe in anger: 
‘Rape is Consensual’ 

“Once a girl turns 14 or 15, you can’t call it rape after that. There is always consent.”
– An elderly man in Mankawas village, Charkhi Dadri district 

“Blame the victim” 

“The girl has to have done something wrong, that’s why she’s been raped.”
– A Class 8 boy from Bhiwani 

“Both the boy and the girl have done something wrong. Then why is it that only the boy is held responsible? The girl gets to stay at home, the boy is sent to jail. What sort of a law is this?”
– Mother of a rape accused in the Charkhi Dadri district

This is our world. And let me tell you…it was always this way. 

Rape culture is not just prevalent in Haryana. It is everywhere. Women have historically been considered second-class citizens who were not thought to deserve the same rights as their male counterparts. Our patriarchal system is the reason why we think and behave this way. 
In a fellow blogger, Kanika’s blog post I read that it was believed that a female orgasm is essential for conception. So if an alleged rape results in a pregnancy, then it can’t be a rape at all, because the woman experienced pleasure! The truth is that an orgasm is involuntary and can occur during rape. This does not take away from the heinousness of the crime. 
And rape culture is the sad reality that in 127 countries rape within marriage is still not considered a crime, including in India!

The system of rape culture affects men too

“Toxic masculinity”. is a gender stereotype burdening the men in society, depicting them as sexually driven, violent beings. This is the reason why men do not complain when they are raped. They are ashamed of the trauma. 

Want to hear how the issues of rapes can be solved? 

A Khap Panchyat member Sube Singh had given a bizzare ‘solution’ to the ‘rapes’ and suggested that the marriageable age for girls should be reduced to 16 years. He later blamed movies and television for rapes. 

A friend asked me if rapes will stop if we legalize prostitution. Or if it will stop if we fast track cases for speedy justice. Sure these measures will help. We must do everything we can to ensure that lesser women feel unsafe. We need legal reforms, policy reforms. more structures in place that allow women to feel safe enough to raise their voice against assaults. Marital Rape must be made a criminal offense in India. 
But its more important that we change our behaviours and mental attitudes to prevent rapes

1) We should not just say ‘Aur ek rape ho gaya’ and move on with our lives 
As a society, we cannot turn our heads against what is happening around us. We must raise our voices. We must encourage women to name and shame their abusers. We must not let our fandom or our ostrich mentality get in the way of justice. 
2) We should not declare that rape is consensual 
We need to support and be part of as many organizations as we can to change the mentality that rape = sex and rape cannot occur without consent. Rape is not sex and whenever force is used for sex without the other’s consent, it is rape. 
3) We should not declare that the victim is at fault
Going back to the definition of rape: “the violation of another person’s autonomy, the use of another person’s body against their wishes.” That means the rapist is always at fault, not the victim. 

4) We should not think that marrying the rapist solves the problem 
Again, please look at the definition. The crime of being forced to do something against their will can’t suddenly stop being a crime because of marriage. 
5) We should not doubt the Victim 
Yesterday, Ali Zafar, the Pakistani singer was accused of sexual harassment by another singer. The news broke out in the morning. During the day, as usual there were a bunch of celebrities who came out saying they didn’t know the facts of the case, but Ali could not have done it. Of, course a lot of fans showed their support. Really? Fandom before empathy? And towards the end of the day, we had more women come forward with allegations. Why do people judge the victim or doubt her instead of giving her the benefit of doubt?! Is it because most men find it easy to be in the shoes of the man and not the woman? 
6) We should not support Rape Jokes 
This angers me more than anything. How can anything about rape by funny? Why do we dismiss it? It is imperative that we do not create, share, like or encourage any jokes that objectify women. It’s not that women can’t handle jokes. But rape jokes are a no-no. 
7) We should boycott our misogynist pop culture 
We all know how anyone with a conscience feels when we see such stories. These get made because we watch them. And because they get made, we watch them. Why does a smoking scene require a disclaimer and an item number doesn’t!? Maybe because in some movies… the whole time the movie is played we’ll need the disclaimer: ‘Objectifying women is wrong’ !! It’s a vicious cycle. Let’s put an end to this. 
8) We should not indulge in Gender stereotyping 
Women and men don’t “have” to do anything or be anyone. This is the root of the problem. Men don’t need to be “macho” or “powerful” and women don’t need to be “submissive”. 
9) We should teach our children well
We need children to be taught how to behave with women and with other boys when they speak about women. We must teach them the importance of consent. That’s how we ensure a better future. 
10) We should not allow our politicians to get away from discharging their responsibilities
We must not allow people in power do any or all of the above. We must hold our politicians accountable for the safety of our women.

What are your thoughts on the rape culture and on the recent situation in our country? Do share your views.

Reading time: 6 min
A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism, Pop culture

Are the 2 ‘Queens’ of our Entertainment Industry Feminist Icons?

April 18, 2018 by ashwini 23 Comments
Kangana Ranaut at Ira Khan's wedding reception
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ekta_Kapoor Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangana_Ranaut
Are all influential women automatically Feminists?
I have been wondering about this for a while.  Of course men can also be Feminists. But do we confuse power with Feminism when it comes to women? Let us try and figure this out by taking examples of two women who are at the top of their game: Ekta Kapoor – the undisputed Queen of TV and Kangana Ranut- Queen of the Hindi film industry (in more than one way). 
 
I must confess that I love listening and/or reading interviews of powerful women of today. It gives me a lot of motivation to follow my own path. While Kangana Ranaut has been in the news very often owing to her outspokenness, it was a recent TED talk by Ekta Kapoor that made me realize that Ekta Kapoor also has had to break some barriers to reach the position she is in right now. She may be rebuked for her regressive serials and her intense beliefs in religious rituals, astrology and numerology (Did you know that even for the TED talk, Ekta had a condition based on her astrologer’s advice: she would speak for exactly five minutes and forty seconds, not a second more or one less?!), but no one can dispute the success she has had.

Is Ekta Kapoor a Feminist? 

Read on to know… (Excerpts below are from her interview with Huffington Post) 

 
“TV started telling stories of women.” 
 
Ekta said in the Huffington Post interview that “There was a time in films when only stories of men were told. The hero was a man, the villain was a man and the women only danced around.” Her successful TV shows – Hum Paanch, Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi or Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki definitely depicted strong women who were central characters who enjoyed majority of the screen time. Was this because it is a fact that most TV viewers are women and her market research was on point? Sure. But she still gets points for Feminism. 
 
“I said sex and sanskaar are two aspects of the same woman.” 
 
Ekta has received a lot of flak for showing her women as ‘Sanskari’ in her TV shows. She argues that TV has a lot of restrictions. It is watched with the family which means the mother or the wife can’t watch everything with her children and husband. She said…
 
Source: Huffington Post
She may have a point here, but by pandering to audience, and what it likes she becomes a part of the problem.

Then she makes a ‘bold’ film like Lipstick Under My Burkha that talks about the sexual urges that women have. She says that ‘it makes me more determined in my resolve to make the film work to prove them wrong’. A film like that ought to have been made and kudos to her for making it. The negative points for her sanskari shows and positive point for dealing with a real issue in Lipstick cancel each other out. 
 
Feminism along with Objectification
 
A. This is how Ekta defends her shows: 
 
a) Ekta states that according to Boston Research Group, from 2001 to 2005, the TV shows are the real reason why women at home actually took on family decision-making, because Tulsi and Parvati (the protagonists from her TV shows Kyunki Saas Bhi Kbhi Bahu Thi & Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki) did it. 
 
b) The issue of ‘marital rape’ was taken up in Kyunki when Tulsi kills her son for it. 
 
Let’s give Ekta gets positive points for incorporating these important issues in story plots . 
 
B. This is how Ekta defends her Films:
 
In her films like Kya Kool Hai Hum and Great Grand Masti the women are highly objectified. This is how she defends it: 
 
“If I think about it, Kya Kool Hai Hum was crass. That I will say. But being crass and being anti-feminist are two different things.” “I will make Kya Kool Hai Hum 4, 5 and more, films with as much as sex as possible because I have a problem with sexual crimes, not sex.” 
 
From the above, it is clear that either Ekta doesn’t know the meaning of Objectification or she is desperately trying to defend her actions. From Wikipedia: Female sexual objectification by a male involves a woman being viewed primarily as an object of male sexual desire, rather than as a whole person. Since she is not even aware of the negative impact of such depiction in her movies, she gets negative points for Feminism. 

Again the positive and negatives cancel each other out. 
 
Ekta Kapoor, the person
 
Jeetendra with his son Tusshar and daughter Ekta.jpg
By Bollywood Hungama, CC BY 3.0, Link

Before you can say ‘nepotism’ let me remind you that Tusshar Kapoor (with the extra S and everything!) is not as successful as his sister. Unfortunate for Tusshar, but this speaks a lot about her family’s progressive attitude and her talent as well as skills. Becoming a TV mogul and making an identity for oneself with a father as famous as Jitendra is special. In her TED talk, she spoke about she had to deal with patriarchal mindsets. She said that media professionals saw the rejected pilots and asked him why he was investing in her ‘hobby’ of producing TV serials. She emphasized on the need to work after marriage because “When nothing else stays with you, your work does.” She leaves the audience with inspiring words that one must find the gold within themselves instead of their fathers buying gold for their daughter’s future. The Queen of TV has made her mark on the big and small screen with over 90 TV show and 30 films, which in itself is no mean feat. She is now set to conquer the micro screen with her new offering ALT Balaji which will create content for the digital medium. 
 
From the above, it is clear that while Ekta Kapoor’s story in itself is inspiring and breaks many stereotypes, her work may not entirely reflect it. 
 
Is Kangana Ranaut a Feminist?
 
She speaks her mind. She is unapologetic. She is fearless. She is bold. These are the attributes associated with Kangana Ranaut. They are also what make her stand out for the rest of the actresses. I must admit, I am a Kangana fan- of the actress and the person she is. But is she a Feminist? Let us find out. 
 
Says no to Fairness Creams

She does not endorse fairness creams The actress does not like the way such ads are presented, and thinks that such ads do hurt the confidence of darker people, especially women. Kangana also mentioned that her sister, too is a little dark, so endorsing a fairness cream would mean insulting her own sister and the rest of the community who aren’t fair. 

 
Supports Acid Attack Survivors

She did not hide, rather spoke up when an obsessive lover threw acid on her sister Rangoli. This is commendable. Rangoli’s story gave so many women the inspiration to survive such horrendous acts. “We Don’t Glorify The Right Heroes”, she says. And that’s so true. 

 
Stands up for gender equality
She has gone on record to say something no Hindi Film actress has said ever- that she would rather not work with the Khan’s in the industry if it meant playing an unequal part. This is something most of the male actors will not go on record to say! The fact that she is so confident of her abilities to demand to be treated at par with the male superstars is inspirational. If more actresses took a stand like Kangana, it will improve the gender inequalityin our films. More screen time for women would mean more songs and we will get to hear more songs from our talented women playback singers! 
 
Stands up for equal opportunities for all

Her open proclamation of the widely prevalent nepotism in the film industry had many people follow suit. Everyone knew it but no one had the guts to stick their neck out. When people who are not deserving, get preference solely because of their social influence, there are many others missing out on those opportunities. 

 
 
Kangana Ranaut at Chandon launch.jpg
By Bollywood Hungama, CC BY 3.0, Link

Is candid and open about her life and does not play the victim card

There were many who attacked Kangana for washing her dirty linen in public when she spoke candidly about her past relationship mistakes. Singer, Sona Mohaptra wrote an open letter admonishing Kangana for her ‘publicity stunt’. And many would agree with her. I don’t think Sona said anything objectionable really. But as highlighted in this article, Sona has no right to ask Kangana to not express herself. The author explains how women are prohibited from expressing themselves historically. That is why we have very few autobiographies of women. If the story of a woman doesn’t fit in the mould of society, then it must not be told. Kangana broke this mould and how. Don’t girls have relationships? Don’t they make mistakes? Don’t they break their heart? Then why hide it? Why can only men live real lives while the women have to stay invisible? Kangana did not play the victim card-she always told her stories as though she had made peace with it all. She showed a lot of courage by opening up about an abusive relationship and also egged women to go to the police if they were in a similar situation. 

 
Raises her voice against the objectification of women in movies 

Kangana’s always played strong women characters – right from her earlier not-so popular films such as Gangster or Woh Lamhe to her recent films such as Tanu weds Manu, Queen or Simran. Film Kangana refuses to be a part of ‘Item Numbers’ because they objectify women. In a collaboration with AIB, a popular Indian comedy sketch group, Kangana Ranaut calls out the Hindi Film industry for its widespread sexism in a viral video. You can read the on-point lyrics of this parody item number– ‘The Bollywood Diva Song’ here. 

 
From the above, it is quite clear the confident and talented actress is a spokesperson for Feminism. She is my role model, because I like outspoken people. Is she perfect? No. Has she had her foot in the mouth more than once? Yes. But all of us have flaws.

To conclude…

 
Both Ekta Kapoor and Kangana Ranaut are influential members of the Hindi Film Industry today – in fact Ekta maybe more powerful than Kangana. As members of the entertainment industry, both Ekta and Kangana have some core responsibilities- to entertain their audience while also furthering their careers. In my opinion Ekta took lesser chances than Kangana to support the cause of gender equality. Is it mandatory for everyone in the entertainment industry to utilize their powers for a greater good? Certainly. Is it possible? Yes. And yet very celebrities worth their salt will do it. According to me, everyone should believe in equal opportunities for all genders. And it is imperative that women who reach powerful positions, be more supportive of other women so that it becomes easier for the next generation to break the glass ceiling. 
 
We, as consumers of various forms of entertainment also have a responsibility– to be more open to ideas that are new and progressive. If we continue to support and consume content that confirms with rigid ideas, that is what will be made. Also, what gets reflected on screen is usually what takes place in our society. Once the world we live in is more inclusive and less regressive, that’s what we will get to see in our stories as well.
Reading time: 10 min
A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism, Poems

Patriarchy’s Deep Roots

April 17, 2018 by ashwini 19 Comments

Possibly a system that emerged out of insecurity,
An attempt to protect now is authority.
The father is supreme and the son gets the property.
Rules and norms further intensify the disparity.
Independence and equality shall be doom, is the prophecy.
As they whistle and stare they also preach morality.
Rape is the culture that worships virginity.
Can’t see the gaps in rights, pay or opportunities?
Humiliation, guilt and blame are tools to tame the temerity.
You know we are talking to you. Spare us the insularity.

*The above poem has been written in the Acrostic style of poetry where the first letters of each line spell out the word.

Patriarchy is an invisible monster and as a society we need to put an end to the power struggles it propagates. When we trust and believe in one another, we will all be able to grow. It’s not idealism, it’s practicality. More women in the workforce will only lead to more prosperity. 
As per this year’s Economic Survey, we have made significant improvements in gender inequality in a lot of aspects. But on close inspection, we still have a deep-rooted gender bias against women. This is reflective in our “meta preference” for sons. Parents have children until they have a desired number of sons – taking the number of “unwanted” girls to 2.1 crores according to this year’s Economic Survey. Mind you, before you begin to think that this happens only in impoverished rural families, the Survey pointed that it prevails also in middle and upper-middle class families as well. 
Sex determination is an offense. No problem! We still have a way to circumvent it…keep having kids till we have a son! 
Our workplace statistics are startling: 
a. The labour force participation rate for women is falling: from 37% in 2004-05 to 28% in 2016. 
b. The Pipeline for Women Starts Small and Continues to Shrink 

c. Women earn 57% of what their male colleagues earn for performing the same work with the gender pay gap widening with her education and advancement in her career. 
d. Read more about the pay gap issue in Women’s Cricket here. 
I have already spoken about the representation of women or lack thereof in our films and the Indian legal system. 
Whether a woman has the right to go out or the right to raise her voice against assault or name her assaulter or change her name, it is not a decision for the system to make – it is hers and hers alone. We need to abort the growing sexism. 
My fight against the system of Patriarchy, makes me an Incorrigible Feminist. When will you become one?
Reading time: 2 min
A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism, Poems

One for all and all for one: Feminists & the Queer (Poem)

April 16, 2018 by ashwini 24 Comments

Equality does not discriminate. 
The rights of the woman or man 
Or the queer one’s fate 
Is not for the supreme power 
To calculate. 

There is need to educate. 
Being born as a girl 
And not a boy, does not make you inadequate. 
Being queer is natural, 
It’s not a joke or illness, so don’t humiliate. 

We must contemplate. 
Why the queers are not allowed 
To procreate. 
They also can’t marry or parent 
Lest they contaminate? 
Accept, don’t differentiate. 
Let her race wearing her spikes
Or lead in her heels in a corporate
She can choose to marry or not
Or celebrate her same sex soul mate.

Recognize talent that’s innate. 
Why stare at her assets 
Or laugh at his effeminate voice to subjugate? 
Equal pay for equal efforts 
Should be a basic mandate. 

Victory is but a stalemate. 
Misogyny and Homophobia 
Reduce us to slave state. 
The same traditions and customs 
Also make you suffocate. 

Time to embrace and liberate. 
Aren’t we all
Just as ‘queer’ as we are straight? 
Ditch the binary. Adopt the plural. 
Let us give our gender norms an update. 

We won’t yield. So don’t dominate. 
We are unified against oppression. 
We won’t let you manipulate. 
Feminists and the Queer- we have but one aim, 
Patriarchy, soon you shall disintegrate.

The destination of a Feminist and the LGBTQ+ community is the same, then why should our journeys be different?
Note: When I use the word queer in quotes, I refer to it being strange or odd. But when I use it without quotes, I refer to the umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual and/or not cisgender.
Reading time: 1 min
A-Z of Feminism (Blogging Challenge 2018 #Blogchatter), Feminism

In the ‘Name’ of Gender Inequality

April 15, 2018 by ashwini 18 Comments

We are not born with a name. It is a social construct. But it forms a huge part of our identity. Ideally it is only in unavoidable circumstances that one would change it. 
What are the reasons why men would change their name? 
1) For want of a better name: Parents named you Chintu? Simple enough reason for a man of legal age to change his name! 
2) For easy pronunciation: Indian names with many syllables are very difficult to pronounce making it difficult for its bearer to want to survive abroad – so Kalpen Suresh Modi split his first name to become Kal Penn. I wonder if Chan Kong-Sang would have been as famous as the Jackie Chan if he had not changed his name! 
3) For a certain gravitas: Of course we know a lot of Hindi film actors who changed their names to add some persona to their names: Harihar Jethalal Jariwala became Sanjeev Kumar, Jaikishen Kaku Bhai became Jackie Shroff (Jackie seems to be a very lucky name but err…did not work for Jackky Bhagnani did it? Oh but he spells it slightly differently! More on that later…) All of this makes sense. Why Sunny and Bobby are better that Ajay and Vijay… I don’t know!! 
4) For preventing discrimination: A lot of men from Bihar from lower caste adopted the generic ‘Kumar’ meaning ‘son’ in order to not reveal their backgrounds. Dileep Kumar changed his name from Mohammed Yusuf Khan in order to ensure that the anti-Islamic elements did not affect his popularity.
5) For numerological reasons: Rajkummar Rao added an extra ‘m’ to his name for numerological reason. Notably, he earlier identified himself as Rajkumar Yadav. He says he dropped the ‘Yadav’ because did not want to be mistaken as Rajpal Yadav, another actor in the Hindi Film industry. But it could also be for the same reason as stated in the earlier point. 
6) When you change your religion: Music legend, A R Rahman was born Dileep Kumar (I know irony right?). When he adopted the religion of Islam, he changed his name to All-Rakha Rahman. 
7) For showing support to their mothers and wives: Did this reason shock you? Hindi Filmmaker Sanjay Leela Bhansali dropped his father’s name from his and replaced it with his mother as a tribute to her. Journalist and columnist, Swaminathan S. Anklesaria Aiyar, made his wife’s (Shahnaz Anklesaria Aiyar) maiden name a part of his name in a move that put him in some august company. The Beatles band member John Lennon became John Winston Ono Lennon when he added his wife, Yoko Ono’s maiden name. Oh and BTW, John wanted to drop ‘Winston’ but he wasn’t allowed to revoke a name given at birth! There are several other Hollywood celebrities who adopted their wives’ names. 
The above was not meant to be an exhaustive list. The point I was trying to make was that if a man had to change the name he was born with – he did it because he wished to. There was no rule book, there was no custom requiring him to do so. 

What are the reasons a woman has to change her name? 
A woman could technically choose to change her name for all the reasons a man would. But usually she ends up changing her name (mostly the surname or last name but sometimes the first name as well!) when she gets married- as a way to show her allegiance to the family she is marrying into. She has very little choice in the matter and it would be seen as breaking tradition if she didn’t do so. 
How much time goes into changing your name? 
The actual name change process may take around 1 month. But then you have to update a whole lot of documents – at your Workplace, Banks, Credit Cards, Driver’s License, Pan Card, Passport, Adhaar Card, Ration Card, voter ID card etc. It could easily take 6 months to a year or more, depending upon the efficiency of several government agencies. And in between all these name changes, you will have to roam around with your Marriage Certificate and name change documents to prove to people why you are not a terrorist trying to assume a new identity! 
Earlier, a name change would not require so much effort. Today it is a long drawn procedure. These practical aspects must be taken into consideration before following traditions blindly. 
Is it easy to get used to a new name? 
When women in India change their names post marriage i.e. a good two decades into their lives, it could take months or years to get used to it. I can’t imagine how long it took actress Hazel Keech (wife of Indian Cricketer Yuvraj Singh) to get used to the name Gurbasant Kaur! 
Aap Ms. ho ki Mrs.? 
Say you do not change your name. The nation still wants to know if you’re married or not. So they will ask you if you are ‘Ms.’ or ‘Mrs.’! Interestingly, both are abbreviations of the root word ‘Mistress’ (i.e. the female equivalent of ‘Mister’) and neither were supposed to carry any marital connotation! The Mr., short for Mister of course never needed any indicator of his marriage status. 

Aeji, Oji, Suniyeji 
So while the wife is getting used to her new name, she must restrain herself from taking her hubby’s! Ok, so you can get your head around this a bit. There is usually a large age-gap between the spouses and we respect our elders. 

Making ‘Gender Equality’ a household name
In my case – I feel like I have the best of both worlds. Belonging to a Nair community in Kerala, prior to marriage, I had my mother’s surname and my father’s name next to mine. When I got married, I replaced my father’s name with my husband’s but continue to use my mother’s surname. It makes me feel like I have connected my past with my future. While there was still some name change involved and frustrating documentation to be done, I still feel that I don’t have such a raw deal as a lot of women. And that’s heart-breaking. 
The way I look at it is that as long as patrilocality exists (i.e. when a wife moves into the husband’s family home), the wife will be expected to take the family name. My guess is that as more and more nuclear families come about with both spouses contributing equally to the household, there will be less and less familial pressures to follow customs blindly. Today hyphenated names are one way that women are holding on to their identity. But the end of the day, if a name change is the only way to prove one’s allegiance to the spouse then it’s only fair the husband change his name too. And true equality will only be achieved when the name of the mother also being a part of the child’s name.
Reading time: 6 min
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